Myself
by Merely Observing
Summary: After months of allowing misery to consume her, Bella wakes up. She decides to learn who she is, without Edward. An attraction to Jacob Black and things keep crashing, ripping, and exploding around her causes confusion. Set months after Edward left in NM
1. Chapter 1

**Myself- Merely Observing**

**Chapter One**

There are some things that you just cannot imagine in life. When I was younger I thought abstractly of one day falling in love. I was never one of those girls that looked at boys. Never thought about dating or was I ever really attracted to anyone. Growing up I have always been more focused on taking care of those around me rather than myself. Renee, my sweet but scattered mother, was more the child in our relationship. I was the parental figure watching over her, laughing at her quickly changing plans. Her interests changed faster than fads could come around. In the background I was the voice of reason; allowing her freedom to do things that interested her all the while keeping her from anything to dangerous or outrageous. My mother's nickname for me has always been her middle-age child. Spending most of your childhood being the parent of your parent forces you to grow up.

Charlie, my quite shy father, has much in common with Renee. He was never one to flit though hobbies like Renee. Charlie is simple man. He loves the town he was born and raised in, Forks. He has spent his entire life in this cold, wet place and he loves it here. He has had the same friends, same hobbies, and same meal at the dinner his whole life. But like Renee he is not a parent to me. He is my father and I love him, but I do not rely on him. I do not rely on either of them.

I have always been independent. I never needed friends to validate me or pats on the back to feel good about myself. In Phoenix, I was just one heartbeat in the crowd. I went about my day minding my own business. No one noticed me, which is what I wanted. I was not happy there, but I was not unhappy. I simply existed. When my mom dated Phil I was happy for her. He is a nice guy. When they got married I felt guilty because I was pleased I would have help dealing with Renee. When I began to see the strain separation was causing my vibrant mother my plan formed. I wanted her to be happy, and if I could do something to help her I would. So I decided I would move to Charlie. My mother would be able to travel with Phil, and I would switch form taking care of Renee to taking care of Charlie. At least I knew he would be easier to handle.

While it had been my decision to leave Phoenix and come to Forks sadness still descended upon arrival. I knew that Forks would be miserable for me. I would have to deal with constant rain, fog, clouds, and _yuck _snow. I would have to deal with a small town where everyone knew everyone, and I would stand out being the new person. But I had made my decision and after hearing how happy my mom was traveling with Phil and how honestly happy Charlie was to have me with him, I did not regret it.

The everything changed. I changed. My first day of classes in my new school my entire life spun out of control. I saw _them_. Too beautiful to be real. Too beautiful for me to even be in the same room. I had never cared about how I looked or fashion. I knew I was not ugly. I looked a lot like my mother and I thought she was pretty, so I thought I had some attractive qualities. Until that day. I have never felt so plain and small as when they walked into the lunchroom. Instantly my eyes zeroed in on them and I had to know who _they_ were. Then _**he **_looked at me. That was the day my life changed.

Looking back, as painful as it is, I should have realized from the beginning. We orbited different worlds, and they should not mix. But I was stupid and had to try to be a part of _**his **_world. The first few weeks were odd, at the time I had no idea what was going on. That first day when I sat down next to _**him**_ in Biology and those eyes cut through me I was at a loss. Then suddenly _**he **_was gone, for a week. And just as suddenly _**he**_ was back. Those first few weeks were _**he **_fluctuated between trying to learn everything about me and acting friendly to snapping and warning me away did nothing but confuse and interest me further. I had to figure _**him**_ out. Insatiable curiosity had always been a trait of mine. And I did learn about _**him**_. I fell in love with _**him**_. Then, it all changed.

"Bells?" Charlie called as he walked through the front door.

"Coming." I shook my head and tried to stop thinking about… everything. My back hurt and my eyes were aching from all the sitting and staring I have been doing. Have I done anything else since that day? I glanced in the mirror as I made my way to my bedroom door, and froze. Who was this person in the mirror? Long, wavy brown hair hung listlessly framing pale skin. My skin was sunken in and my eyes! My eyes looked back at me in the mirror. Dead, lifeless brown peering into equally dead brown. I flinched as I realized this was me. I look like a zombie. I always thought if I turned into any mythical creature it was going to be a vampire, and I got zombie. Wonderful. I could feel a giggle building in my chest. At least I haven't tried to eat anyone's brains yet. At that thought I couldn't stop it, the giggle burst forth, followed by another and another.

"Um, Bells? You… uh.. You okay?"

I saw Charlie reflected in the mirror, he looks so worried. I guess seeing your zombie daughter staring at her self in the mirror giggling uncontrollably is slightly worrisome.

"Um.. Yeah. Sorry . Just, you know" crap how do you explain to you father that you are amused that you aren't eating brains. Poor Charlie, I let my eyes linger over him as I straighten up and stop giggling. He looks so tired and scared. For me. I can see the worry and care reflected in his eyes. And for the first time in months, I care. I care about something other than trying to hold on to a memory and wallowing in my misery. I feel my heart being to pick up speed. How could I act like this? I feel like a blanket has been removed form my thought and eyes. Suddenly everything looked different. Lighter, sharper, cleaner. I could feel my heart beating a fast song in my chest. Taking a deep breathe I smell the musty and stale air in my room. The feeling of lead in my limbs is slowly leaving. I think I'm having an epiphany.

Charlie looks at me expectantly. Wait, was I saying something? "Um, sorry." my voice sounded clearer, stronger. "Just thought of a joke, and… you know it made me laugh." Now Charlie looked scared. I think he is worried about my mental state. "Snort!" I can't help the snort of amusement from my mouth as I think about my _mental state_. Shaking my head I decided to think about it later, for now I just want to try to ease some of the tension I see Charlie is feeling.

"So you hungry, Dad? I was thinking pork chops and mashed potatoes, sound good to you?" I walked towards Charlie and the door, trying to act as pre-zombie Bella-like as I could. As I got closer I could see Charlie's eyes narrowing as he tried to understand what had changed about me. Then I saw it. Hope. A flicker of emotion went through his eyes, his face began to relax a bit and he turned towards his room.

"Sure, Bells. Sounds good. I'm just going to get changed. Do… uh," He cleared his thought gently and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "need any help?"

I giggled softly as I looked over at him, "I think I got this, Dad."

"Okay, well then…" I turned towards the stairs and made my way to the kitchen. Poor Charlie, I thought to myself again, he is so confused. First his daughter moves in with him, and he is at a loss how to treat me or act around me. Too many years being a lone bachelor and distant dad, and raising a teenage girl does not come with an instruction manual. I moved around the kitchen preparing dinner as my thoughts circled. Then said teenage daughter gets a boyfriend. When I had started dating _**Ed.. **_no, _**him**_, everything else had simply vanished. My every thought was about _**him**_. My every action. I realized that I had become one of _those_ girls. I allowed my entire life to revolve around my boyfriend. What _**he **_wanted we did. I tried to act how _**he **_wanted. I tried to become the girl _**he**_ wanted.

My hands stilled over the water faucet as my thoughts washed over me. I had willingly and knowingly changed , allowing myself to become something, someone else, for a guy. Okay for a perfectly beautiful _vampire_ guy. Even when _**he **_tried to scare me with the dark side of vampirism or let up on the human act, I still saw _**him **_as a boy. Special talents, strength, and speed aside. I saw a beautiful face, smart mind, and caring spirit. To me _**him**_ being a vampire was just a trait. Almost like it was just another race or nationality. The thought that I had tried to change who I was for anyone was… unnerving.

I shook myself again and resumed my task of preparing dinner. I could hear Charlie upstairs moving around. His bedroom door opened and I heard him shuffling down the stairs. **Thunk**"Ow, damnit!" I smiled to myself as I head Charlie stub his toe. That is were I got my clumsy nature. Moments later I heard Charlie settle himself in the living room and the television turn on. Immediately the sound of sportscasters' voices flooded the small house. Leaning down to the oven to check the pork chops I let my thoughts drift again.

Charlie had seen how I was changing for _**him**_, and I could now see how that influenced his dislike of _**him**_. Then all the drama with James and my fleeing to Phoenix were I ended up in the hospital added to the distain of _**him. **_After the Phoenix incident I spent the remainder of the school year and summer attached to _**him**_. I was always with _**him**_, or at _their_ house. How had I let one person, er vampire, control so much of my life. Looking through my memories, as painful as it is, _**he and his family**_ had controlled me. What I did, who I spent time with, where I went, which members of the family I was allowed to be around, what I wore… everything.

As the realization flowed over me, I felt my anger overriding my sadness. Anger at myself for allowing _**him**_ to have such a hold over me. My anger continued to grow as I stood in Charlie's outdated yellow kitchen. My disgust with the situation, my infatuation, and my own inability to even say _**HIS FUCKING NAME IN MY OWN MIND**_! My arms began to shake and I felt hot, angry tears welling in my eyes. _So pathetic, so weak._ My own thoughts were taunting me. _Say his name. Think it. You can't because you are pathetic. Hopeless. Other people have been dumped before it's not like you are the first. _My whole body was trembling as my anger continued to grow, I felt my lips curling around clenched teeth. A blurry haze descended over my eyes, and I felt my anger snap.

" _**EDWARD CULLEN IS AN ASSHOLE!"**_ My scream echoed though the house. The window over the kitchen sink cracked and exploded out into the yard in a rain of glass shards.

"BELLS! Are you okay? What happened?" Charlie came running into the kitchen, his hands reaching where his gun would be while in uniform. I jumped and slipped over nothing, falling onto my bottom. The crash of my body on the floor knocked me out of my angry state.

"Bells, honey? Are you ok? What happened? I heard you scream… something," Charlie reached down to help me up looking both nervous for me and amused at my yell. "What happened to the window?"

"The window?" I looked over confused, and saw that it had shattered. What in the world? Everything felt murky, like I had just woke from a nap. My brain wasn't fully engaged yet. "I got mad." I got mad, rather I had gotten furious. I don't remember throwing anything into the window, but I must have.

"Bella? Are you hurt? Did you get cut on the glass?" Charlie was looking me over, inspecting my for cuts or maybe trying to see if I had lost what sanity I had before.

"Um, no. I mean, I'm good Dad. Didn't get cut or anything." My brain is starting to function again. I feel, well I feel wonderful. For the first time in months I can breath. I guess that ranting and venting is good for the soul. That little bitch fit left me feeling better than I had in awhile. I looked up at Charlie, he still had his hands on my shoulder looking into my face. I feel horrible as I see the concern and fear in his eyes. I'm such a horrible daughter, I really should try to work on that.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I just…" the sigh escaped as I tried to figure out my explanation for him. Well, if I want to be a better daughter perhaps I should try telling the truth a bit more. "Just… the last few months I've been thinking about everything that happened. And I guess trying to work my way through it." Okay good start, a bit truthful, I had certainly spent enough time thinking about what happened. Although I had been trying to figure out where I went wrong. But I guess I had been working through it, my emotions and thoughts. "And I just…" just what, Bella? Figured out that my ex-boyfriend the vampire Edward Cullen was an incredible ass and got so pissed off I through bitch fest in the middle of cooking supper.

"Okay, and?" Charlie helped me stand. I started towards the food and waved him towards the table. Hopefully supper isn't ruined. Nope, still good. I dish us both up a plate and make my way to the table trying to understand my thoughts. Charlie looked uncomfortable, he's always uncomfortable about emotions and _talking_. I sat our plates down and huffed as I feel into my chair. Oh well, go for broke.

"I just realized that I don't like how I allowed Edward to influence me, I guess. I kind of let him control my life. And when he left I didn't know how to be me anymore. I was upset they all left, and I just got mad." The words tumbled out of my mouth, fast and quiet. I wanted to be honest, but talking about it made me both angry and feel pathetic.

"So, umm.." Charlie cleared his throat and fidgeted in his seat. "So, since they left you've been thinking about… things. And saw that you… got to caught up… in Edward, and forgot about yourself?" I nodded rather impressed that Charlie was talking things out with me. I can see how uncomfortable he is. "And when you realized this you got… mad?" Another nod. "So you decided to… vent… your anger by screaming and throwing something through the kitchen window?"

Well. When it's laid out like that I sound even more than pathetic. I sound like a child throwing a tantrum.

"I'm sorry Dad. I'll pay for a new window. I didn't mean… " a stammered apology flying out of my mouth.

"No, No. I'm… well I'm glad you are doing better, Bells. You really had me worried for a while there." Charlie gruffed to me, his eyes darting around the kitchen avoiding looking at my face. He was so far out of his comfort zone now he was getting skittish. I love Charlie, my dad. He is trying so hard. I got out of my chair and gave him a quick one armed hug.

"Thanks, Dad," my voice was muffled by his shoulder. He patted my back in his awkward way. Hoping to lighten the mood, I plopped back into my chair and began eating. Charlie seemed to realize the mushy moment was over and went back to his meal happily. As I cleaned the kitchen Dad taped plastic over the window to keep out the rain until tomorrow.

After a quick goodnight I went up to my room and laid down on the bed. My thoughts were still in a whirlwind. I was circling through memories of my time before Forks, my time with Edward, the Cullens, and back. I couldn't stop thinking. Reaching over to my backpack I grabbed a notebook and pen. Flipping onto my stomach I opened to a blank page and stared at it. Alright, Bella. Time to learn yourself again. I figure putting it on paper will help me sort through my thoughts. Hmm, how do I do this. Okay, start simple. Write things I like. Like to do, eat, wear, go, see, read, anything I like.

I spent the next hour scribbling quickly across lined paper. My notes were sloppy and confusing. I started writing what I like, which lead me to writing thinks I dislike, and on to things I'd like to try or do. As my list grew my eyes got heavier and my head began to loll. I glanced at the clock surprised to see it was two in the morning. Closing the notebook, I placed it in my bedside table, and got dressed in my pajamas. As my head touched the pillow, I felt sleepiness drift through me. Writing out my thoughts had helped and maybe tomorrow I'll go out and do something from my list that I like. As I drifted off to sleep one last thought crossed my mind, what _did_ I throw at the window?

**End Chapter One**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

A loud annoying beeping roused me from slumber what felt like only minutes later. Groping around I managed to shut of my alarm clock, just five more minutes I thought drifting off again. The sound of a door being slammed woke me. I shot up and looked around my room confused. What time is it? Shit, ten! I vaguely remember my alarm going off and turning it off. Shit, shit, shit. I'm so late for school. I jumped out of bed, my legs got tangled in the blankets and I fell backwards catching myself on the bed before I hit the floor. Well damn, what a way to start the day. Frustrated at the stupid blankets wrapped around my legs, I quickly kicked them off and got up slowly. Right, got to get ready for school. I've already missed all of first period and most of second. Wait, why didn't Charlie wake me? He always tells me bye when he is heading off to work.

I walked out of my room an headed down stairs. I'm already late, maybe I'll just skip today. I walked into the kitchen stretching and trying to remember if I had any tests I would be missing today. There was a note sitting under an apple on the table.

_Bells, _

_Went to the hardware store to get a window. Thought I'd let you sleep in. Be back soon._

_-Dad_

Right, today is Saturday. No worries about skipping school then. Grabbing the apple I headed back upstairs to take a shower. Waiting for the water to heat up I thought about my resolution the night before. Relearning to be me. Is that normal I thought washing my hair? I suppose that after a break-up you are supposed to learn to live your life without that person in it. Maybe? There aren't exactly self-help books on what to do when your vampire boyfriend tells you that you aren't good enough for him and abandons you in the woods. I snorted softly to myself as I stepped out of the shower. Maybe I should write one. What to do when you find out the supernatural world is not a fairytale. Maybe Nessie is real too.

Walking into my room I shuffled over to my closet looking for something to wear. I grabbed the first pair of jeans I could see, a thermal, and a sweater. November in Washington is cold! After getting dressed I began combing out my wet hair. I hadn't realized how long it has gotten. Half way down my back. I walked over to the mirror and just looked at myself. My hair was wet, dripping on the floor and soaking the top of my sweater. The length made it lay heavily against my head. It looked flat and well boring. Plain brown with slight wave. My eyes look different today. Not as dead. I glanced at my clothes in the mirror and noticed how much weight I've lost over the last few months.

I look like I'm wasting away. Maybe that's what I'll do today. Don't girls in movies and books always get makeovers or go shopping when they are feeling down? Shopping… anytime Alice took me shopping I hated it, but then again she just threw clothes at me and told me she had _seen _how good they would look, and that I loved it. I can't remember anything she ever bought me that I actually liked. I always acted like I loved them because, well it was Alice. She was so nice to me and instantly accepted Edward and I together. Not like Rosalie. Ugh, OK back on track. Maybe I don't hate shopping. When I went with my mom I always had fun. I spent most of the time laughing at the ridiculous outfits she would try on, but when I found stuff I liked I enjoyed myself. Okay, so I'll go shopping today. When Edward left he took everything that would remind me of them. My CD, pictures, and all the clothes I had bought with Alice. My wardrobe was seriously lacking. Maybe I'll get my hair cut as well, I thought to myself as I twisted and wrapped it up in a quick bun. It so long now that I just put it in a ponytail most days.

I grabbed my rarely used purse throwing my wallet inside. I had a plan, a purpose for my day rather than sitting at home being an emo zombie. It felt good to actually be doing something, and it felt better to be doing something for myself. I scribbled a quick not to Charlie on the bottom of his telling him I was going to Seattle for the day and headed out to my truck. Hopping in I saw the gaping hole where I had ripped out the sound system Emmett and Rosalie had gotten me for my disastrous birthday. Shaking my head and my own silliness I started the truck and headed to town. I had been so upset when all of my _reminders _of the Cullens were gone, except the stereo. It had taken me the better part of three hours, all of my fingernails, and two broken screwdrivers to pry the thing loose from my dash. It was sitting in a black garbage bag in the back of my closet. How stupid, now I couldn't listen to music at all. Although at the time that had been one of the reasons for removing it.

After Edward left I hated music. Every song reminded me of him. Love songs on the radio made me feel miserable. Even muzak in the elevator made me think of him playing the piano. I was really pathetic. Before Edward I had loved music. I always had my IPOD on and even had a few bands that I followed. When I was 15 my mom had taken me to see Muse for my birthday. I had loved it. All the people crushed together, the band on stage rocking out, and just being absorbed with the atmosphere. Hmm… maybe I should try to fix the stereo in my truck. Who cares who its from and just enjoy. I can't even remember where I hid my IPOD. I'll look for it when I get home.

When I finally arrived in Seattle I headed straight for the mall. One good thing about the last few months, I thought as I turned my mammoth truck into a parking spot, is all the money I have saved. Working at the Newton's store, and sitting around at home endlessly has allowed my bank account to grow. A lot. Alright, should I look at clothes first or get my hair done? I walked through the mall entrance and glanced at the stores. Right at the entrance next to a GNC was a hair salon. Well that makes it easier I thought walking toward it. They may not be able to give me an appointment until later anyway.

"Hello, do you have an appointment?" The girl behind the counter cheerfully greeted me. I took a moment to look around. The girl at the desk had the craziest hair colors, blue streaks running through dark brown on top and the underneath was bright white blonde. Looking around I saw most of the hairdressers had eclectic hair colors and styles, the guy towards the back had a purple Mohawk. Well if I want different I certainly found the right place.

"Umm… No I don't have an appointment… umm… I was wondering…" okay seriously Bella. I have never liked to be the center of attention, but I used to be able to talk coherently and clearly to people. When had I lost all confidence in myself?

"You want to get your hair done?" helpful that girl at the counter is.

After a little pep talk to myself, I looked up at her again, "Yeah, just need something different. Do you have an appointment available today? I have a bunch of shopping to do as well so I'm free whenever." I was going to be here all day I don't really care when I get things done.

"Sure, Hun. Actually, Crissy is free right now." She motioned over a tall, tan woman with black and red hair that defiantly belonged in a Suicide Girls calendar .

"Hey I'm Crissy. So what are you wanting to do?" Leading me to a chair I looked her over, she was wearing skin tight gray jeans and a ribbed white tank top, I could see a tattoo on her back. Looking closer I decided it was angle wings. I had seen people with different styles my whole life. You can't grow up in a city as big as Phoenix without seeing a bit of everything. After living in Forks for a year I was slightly shocked. Forks was very much like all other small towns. Most clothes were purchased at Wal-Mart, Target, or the teeny-bopper stores in the Port Angles mall. There are no real styles in Forks. I was obvious proof of this. I owned nothing by jeans and sweater and hoodies.

Bringing myself back to the present and away from my thoughts I sat down and looked at Crissy in the mirror. What did I want to do? Edward had loved my long hair, he said it reminded him of when he was human and women didn't wear short or outlandish hairstyles. I snorted quietly at my thoughts. Of course, the boy from 1918 had issue with modern styles. He observed prohibition through the eyes of a new vampire. Forever frozen at seventeen. "Something different. I don't want anything hard to keep up or style. But it's so long and boring right now, all I every do is wear it down or in a ponytail. So any ideas?" I glanced at Crissy's reflection in the mirror and saw a smile cross her features.

"Break-up, huh?" She stated lightly as she draped a cover over my clothes. Blinking at her perceptiveness I agreed with a simple nod.

"Don't worry you'll be feeling like a new person when I'm done with you." As she spoke she spun me away from the mirror, and I decided to just go with it. In the hair salon I discovered why in movies and books woman always go to get their hair done. There is something relaxing and freeing about having someone pamper you. While she washed, cut, and styled my hair I was free to let my thoughts wander and enjoy being relaxed. I let my thoughts drift over my list from the night before. I would really like to get rid of my clumsy nature. Renee had gone through a time where she had wanted to be healthier, which had involved us trying different exercises. Yoga, Tybo, and jogging, well jogging only happen once as I tripped on the front stoop and banged up my knees. But maybe if I started some exercises I could learn better balance and stop tripping over thin air constantly.

When I get home I'll look up what is available around Forks. Driving to Seattle was hard on my truck and my wallet, the thing guzzles gas, and I won't have time to go to Port Angles more than once a week with school and work. School… I had been using my school work as a shield for the last few months. On the up side all the time I had spent trying to forget by studying had brought my grades way up. I want to continue to do well in my classes, maybe I'll be able to get a scholarship for college. I had not put real thought into life after high school, especially after meeting Edward. I guess I had always imagined I would graduate and become one of them. A Cullen, A vampire. Like Alice had saw. Guess your visions aren't always right are they, Alice?

What if it had been right, I thought to myself. I would have just been gone one day to Charlie and Renee. I'm sure there would have been some elaborate setup so they thought I had died. But it would have destroyed them. Especially Charlie. He is so happy to have me in his life, and I would have just thrown it away. No college, no wedding, no children. I would have given up so much. I never really though about wanting to get married or have kids before, but when imagining that I wouldn't be able to suddenly made me realize how much I did want those things. One day. I don't think I'll be willing to let someone in my heart for a while, but in the future…

"All done! And I must say, I am awesome. You look amazing." Crissy's voice pulled me from my thoughts and I jumped a bit. She spun my chair around and I saw myself in the mirror.

"No way!" There is no way the person in the mirror is me. The person in the mirror looked much more grown up than me. Maybe 19 or 20. Deep brown hair with streaks off caramel and auburn fell in loose layers starting at the cheek bones to below shoulders. I looked closer and saw I had a slight side swiped bangs. The change in color made my skin seem different. I didn't look as pale, the color played off my skin tones and eye color. The bangs brought attention to my eyes, and the gentle layers gave an overwhelming sense of softness. I had never had a hair style that was so, well, feminine.

"Thank you! I love it!" I jumped up and hugged Crissy excitedly. Wow, okay Bella reign it in, hugging strangers is better than stammering at them but still odd. She giggled and waved my compliments aside with one hand, seeming very pleased with herself. After paying I thanked her again and left the shop to continue my shopping. I felt happy. Changing my hair hadn't really been a big deal, but it felt very liberating to me. I made a choice to do something different for myself, and I loved the result. Now I just have to find clothes I like as much.

**End Chapter two**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

By the time I pulled into the driveway at home I was exhausted. At the same time I felt like I had achieved something. After my hair I spent a few hours in clothing stores. At first I had no idea what I liked, but after a few sales girls helped me find some items I began to see my personal style develop. I have never liked skirts, heels, or dresses, but I discovered some today that I loved. Okay not heels. As I headed into the house with all my bags I wondered what Charlie's reaction would be.

"Dad, I'm home!" I could hear the television playing and sat my bags down in the hall. Might as well show off my new look.

"In here, Bells."

"Sorry I was gone so long, did you eat ye…." my voice trailed off as I realized Charlie wasn't alone in the living room. "Oh, hey Billy! Hey Jacob!" I immediately recognized the black cowboy hat I could see beside my dad, and the long black hair I could see from the back of the arm chair.

"Hello, Bella. How are you?" Billy's voice was warm as he spoke. Huh guess now that I'm not dating a vampire he's over his anger at me. Jacob and Charlie turned at his voice and looked up at me. I was watching Charlie's face for his reaction and completely missed Jacob jumping out of the chair. Charlie looked confused at me for a moment then seemed to come to a realization and nodded slightly giving me a small smile. I smiled back, then felt warm toned arms wrapping around me. Jacob picked me up, liftin gmy feet from the ground and gave me a hug while spinning me.

"Wow, Bells! You changed your hair! It looks great, er I mean you look great. Um not that you didn't before, because you know, you did. I mean you've always been pre…." Jacob stuttered as he sat me back down. When had he gotten so tall I thought. Last time I had seen him was… jeez prom night. He had to have grown five or six inches since then. I guessed he was 6'3' or so. He towered over my 5'5' frame.

"Smooth, Son. Very smooth." Billy smirked at Jacob and turned back around to focus on the game with Charlie. I glanced back at Jacob and saw his cheeks darkening slightly. Poor Jacob, his dad seems to thrive on trying to embarrass him as much as possible around me. Even when we were little kids and I used to come up for summers. I remember Jacob and his sisters Rachel and Rebecca playing on first beach a long time ago. We were playing tag and I toppled into Jacob, taking us both down into the sand. I had been so embarrassed, but Jacob had laughed and paid me back for getting him sandy by dragging me in the water. When we walked back to the towels were our parents were sitting I remember Billy saying if Jacob wanted to marry me one day he would have to practice his catching skills as I fell down so often.

"Wanna help me carry all this junk upstairs? Maybe we can go for a walk or something?" I figured I'd give him an escape. No one likes their parents embarrassing them.

"Sure, Sure." Jacob gave me a small grateful glance as he started reaching for my bags. "Jeez, Bells. Buy the whole store?"

"No only the women's section," I laughed, bags in hand walking to my room. Waving my hand at Jacob and the floor gesturing for him to just set them down anywhere I glanced at him. He had gotten a lot taller, and filled out. Last time I saw him he had much less muscles. Now thought he certainly working on the title Tall, Dark, and Handsome. I blushed at my thoughts and saw Jacob watching me as I stared at him "So…"

"So… what?" he smirked. Okay now that is sexy! Oh, good night, I did not just think that. I could feel the blush heating my skin. Jacob was still looking at me with that _sexy_ smirk. I shook my head and tried to gather my thoughts, seriously Bella. Just because he is turning into a ridiculously sexy hunk of man, oh good grief. I groaned aloud at my hormone driven thoughts and sat down on the bed covering my face and blush with my hands.

"Bella, you alright?" Jacobs kneeled beside me, hands started gently tugging on mine still covering my face. His skin was warm and smooth. I let him pull my hands down and into his. His hands easily covered my own, completely. I could feel calluses on his palm and fingertips as I sat there letting the heat from his hands seep into mine. The difference between our skin was fascinating me. Beautiful. The word kept echoing around my head as a slowly looked from our joined hand to his russet silky looking skin on his forearms. Muscular forearms I corrected myself. Leading to very biceps and broad shoulders. The black t-shirt he was wearing was stretched taunt over his muscles. I could see the outline of his pecs straining the fabric. Damn, black t-shirts are not supposed to look that good.

"-lls? Bella? Hun? Are you ok?" Jacob's voice broke my daze. Again I flushed, jumping up quickly I almost kneed him in the face. I can't believe I was… checking him out. Oh, good night, I was just Checking out Jacob Black. Who I've been friends with since diapers, who used to make mud pies with me in his back yards, who is growing up into one of the hottest me- dammit, shut up Bella. My arms started to shake slightly and I felt my face heat up even more. My whole body felt electric, like I had touched a live wire. I heard a slight buzz growing louder in my ears. I looked over at Jacob again, my eyes sweeping his tall frame. Much like the night before I felt a haze on the edges of my vision. The shaking in my arms was getting stronger. Jacob looked at me worriedly and started to walk towards me.

Holy hell, I thought. Watching his long legs incased in dark denim as he slowly moved towards me. He lifted his arms in front of me slowly palms up, like he was trying to prove he didn't have anything in them. Why did he seem so nervous? The sleeves of his T-shirt stretched as his biceps flexed lifting his arms. He stopped two paces in front of me and tilted his head to the side. Damn, he is hot. The only thought in my head was I wonder what he look like without a shirt.

As I stared at him Jacob seemed to come to a decision. He took the final two step towards me and lifted his hand to my face. As he cupped my cheek my body… surged. I felt electricity from my hair to my toes. I gasped at the feeling as a loud **RIIIPPP** sounded through my room. Jacob didn't seem to notice the noise, his hand smoothed over my cheek as he gently grasped my face. Lifting until I was staring into his eyes. Such beautiful, brown eyes.

"Bells, I need you to breath for me, hun. I think you're having a panic attack. That's it, breathe with me slowly.. In, out, in out." His warm hand grabbed mine and placed it gently on his chest over his heart. The feel of warn skin jolted me out of my fuzzy thoughts.

"Ja-… Jacob? Um… what happened to your shirt?" Stop, deep breathe. Okay, better. Now stop acting like a nutcase and talk to Jacob. Where's his shirt?

"Um…?" He slowly pulled his hand from my face and let the hand on his chest drop. Glancing around he found his shirt on the ground at our feet. As he bent to pick it up I saw his back and started to sway. Standing he grabbed my arms and lead me to the bed.

"Bella, I think you were having a panic attack, or something. You just, spaced out, and started breathing hard. Your face got really, really red." Oh no Jacob, that was no panic attack that was me having a small metal flip out over how gorgeous you are. " I guess I reached to quickly or something. My shirt ripped. Oh, well it was kinda tight anyway." He said this so casually and calmly I couldn't help giggling. Yes, that shirt was a little tight, but I think I approve of you not wearing one. Okay that's enough Bella! You are acting crazy. Now quite being a total pervert and talk to Jacob.

"Sorry. Just, you know… um.. Tired. Long day, shopping can really take it out of you. Still wanna go for a walk? Come one let's go." I rambled quickly grabbing Jacob's hand and leading him out of my room, down the stairs, and out the front door. Fresh air helped a bit. The cool breeze felt wonderful on my flushed skin. What is wrong with me? I have never, never had such a physical reaction to anyone. Edward dazzled me, and kissing him had made me feel faint. But I had never felt so… turned on, just looking at someone. Maybe I am losing my mind. That seems possible after everything. Didn't I think earlier today that I wasn't ready to let anyone in my heart just yet? I shook my head again, trying to get rid of my confusing thoughts.

I snuck a glance at Jacob out of the corner of my eye. He was leaning against the porch railing beside me, looking out into the dark night. Straightening up I decided I would think over everything later, but for now just try to act.., normal.

"Sorry, about… that." I was stuttering again, great. "I've just been having a bad time of it lately." There that sounded more coherent, normal. I gave him a weak smile and walked over to the porch steps. Sitting down I leaned against the railing and took slow deep breathes. With each breath in and out I felt my body relaxing and the tension flowing from my limbs.

"No worries. I heard… my dad said… I'm sorry about you know what happened." Huh, what is he talking about? He heard about what happening from his dad? I must have shown my confusion on my face because he sat down beside me, turning sideways he leaned back against the porch and looked at me.

"I mean about, you know, the _Cullens_. Leaving. I knew you were… close to them." He sounded so reluctant. Two days ago if someone had brought up the Cullens I would have collapsed on myself trying to hold my body together through the pain. However, hearing it today, I felt a only sadness and a bit of anger. I missed the family, especially Alice. But I was more angry with them. I was so angry with Edward for how he treated me. How he left me. And angry with the rest for allowing him to decide they couldn't see me any more. I know Edwards and how he thinks, once he decided he didn't want me in his life any more, he didn't want me in _any_ part of his life. Including being around his family. I know that he is the reason they all left, without saying goodbye to me.

"Yeah." Might as well continue practicing this honesty stuff. "I was close to them. It hurt when they left, but I'm doing better. You know moving on and getting over it. All that jazz." I spoke lightly towards the end and bumped my knee against his trying to lighten the mood. When my knee touched his I felt the electricity in my body again. Gasping softly I turned my head to look out into the yard again. Focus Bella, no more craziness, act normal, think about it later.

"Good, Good. So… how's school?" And with that everything seemed to become normal again. Jacob and I sat on my Dad's front porch just chatting lightly until the door opened. I realized the game must be over as dad came out pushing Billy.

"Who won?" I questioned, although by the joking and grinning I knew it had to be the team they were cheering for.

"Eagles, of course. It was a good game. We gotta be heading home, still going fishing in the morning Chief?" Billy asked Charlie as he nodded over to Jacob.

"Yup. Hey Bells, wanna go down with me to La Push tomorrow? While Billy and I are fishing you and Jake could hang out?" Smooth dad, very not obvious that you and Billy are trying to play matchmaker.

"Um, Jacob might have plans with his friends tomorrow, dad." I don't want my father trying to set up dates for me.

"Nope. Come over Bells. You can help me with that English assignment I was talking about. Since you are such a little school nerd!" Jacob was grinning at me playfully as he loaded his dad's wheelchair in the back of their truck. "Come on. You said English was your best subject and I could use some help. Freakin hate Shakespeare!" The last comment was made with a slight grimace and shake of his head, that sent his long hair flying around.

"Okay. Sounds good. But for the nerd comment I'm not making cookies for dessert." See dad I can set up dates on my own. What! Okay, I obviously need sleep. It's not a date. Just going to study with Jacob while our dads fish. Just hanging out. Friends hang out. Even friends that are gorgeous, muscular… alright. So maybe I wouldn't mind if it was a date.

"It's a date! See you tomorrow. Night Charlie!" With a wide grin Jacob shut the truck door and pulled out of the driveway. Okay then. Date. And now if I turn around I will see Charlie with a silly grin and he will want to know what all Jacob and I talked about, oh and probably want to know why he wasn't wearing a shirt. I turned slowly, barley looking at Charlie as I walked into the house. Yup, there is the grin I was expecting.

"So, you and Jake seem to have fun." Smooth dad. Do you interrogate criminals the same way? They'd see right through you, much like I am right now. "Hey, where's his shirt go?" And there it was. I must say I know Charlie pretty well.

"Yeah, we hadn't talked in a while, just catching up. Oh, he, um, got hot. _Obviously fake yawn _Well I'm really tired. Night, dad!" Just as I thought I was home free I spun and took off for the stairs. I heard Charlie's quiet snort of amusement behind me.

"Right. I didn't tell you earlier, but, um, your hair looks real nice. Night, Bells." Apparently the compliment pushed his comfort zone barriers cause he quickly turned and went into the living room.

"Thanks, Dad."

**End Chapter 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

As I got ready for bed I decided to finally think about what happened earlier. Writing seemed to help me with my thoughts last night, so I grabbed the same notebook. Flipping through the pages to where I stopped writing the night before. As I turned to a fresh page and stared jotting down my thoughts. I guess its my diary. I wrote about my trip to Seattle and getting my hair done. My new clothes. I wrote about how I feel like I've woken up. The last few days have been good for me. I feel like I am starting to understand myself better. I am able to look back at my relationship with Edward and see that it wasn't happy or healthy, for me. I guess I don't regret meeting Edward and the Cullens, or falling in love with him. I am still hurt and angry with the way things ended, but maybe it was for the best. I would not have left him. I was to dazzled and wrapped up in him. Him leaving me may have been the best thing that could have happened for us.

I paused as I reread over what I wrote. The best thing? My inner ramblings paused. And suddenly clarity washed over me. It's true. Edward and I weren't truly happy together. He was completely wrapped up in the belief that he was a soulless monster, undeserving of love. His own sense of self was so warped. How could I have expected true and unconditional love from someone who doesn't love themselves? Not just doesn't love, but truly hate their own being. That truth was glaringly obvious. Edward couldn't love anyone until he loved himself.

He had said he loved me. Did that mean his love was a lie? No, I thought shaking my head. He truly believed he loved me, but because his self-worth was so shredded it wasn't real love. Not like Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. Their love was bottomless. They knew who they truly were and because of their own understanding of self, they were able to give themselves fully to another. Unlike Edward. And unlike me.

I had once known who I was. I was the quite, shy, book loving, loner with a scatterbrained mother. I knew I was clumsy. I loved my father who I was so much alike it made it hard for us to communicate our love to each other. I loved to spend hours losing myself in music and the pages of a book. I was content with spending days in silence. And then, when I had truly known myself, I had a quite confidence. I was happy with who I was. When did it all change? I instantly knew the answer. My first day at Forks High.

The facts about myself I realized were the same. I was still all of those things. But, for awhile I let myself go. I became so enamored with the beautiful, tortured Edward that I let a piece of myself go. I allowed myself to be molded into someone who _needed _Edward. I could see now. As soon as I had spoken to him I realized that he was lost. He didn't know how to just be. So I taught myself to _need_ him, to rely on him. And by doing so I was helping give him a sense of worth. I was trying to give him a purpose, a reason, to show he wasn't the monster he believed. I gave him a new role, Protector.

But for true love, for true happiness, I shouldn't have had to change anything. If he had been my soul mate as I had thought, I would have been perfect for him the way I was. But I wasn't. I hadn't been perfect for him. And he realized it before I did. It's true then. Him leaving was the best thing that could have happened for us. If he had stayed I would have continued to change myself trying to be what he needed. And him trying to prove to himself he had worth. Worth enough to fall in love.

And with that thought the pain from his leaving and the anger just… floated away. My body completely sagged down onto the bed. I laid there fully relaxed and just let the realization flow through me. It was not meant to be. We were not for each other, at all. I laid there for what could have been seconds or hours coming to terms with everything.

Eventually, I shook myself out of the daze I had fallen into. Turning back to my notebook I read again through my words. So that was it then. And it was. I felt free. Free from the emotional turmoil, the feelings of abandonment, and the heartache I had been swimming in for the last few months. At the bottom of the page where my last thoughts about Edward leaving I wrote one last thought.

_I think I was supposed to meet them. Normal people don't accidentally stumble into fairytales. I needed to meet them, perhaps I needed to learn that there are supernatural tings out there. Maybe one day I am going to faced with something else mythical, and I needed this experience to understand that the things that go bump in the night can feel as humans feel, love as humans love, and grieve as humans grieve. _

I glanced at the clock after I finished my note. Only 9:30. Tomorrow I was going to see Jacob again. After my reaction to him today I knew I needed to understand it so I didn't have the same issue tomorrow. I turned to a fresh page and wrote what I remembered of the night. Seeing Jacob again after so long I had been stunned by how much he had grown. Grown into a man. In my mind, even since prom, Jacob was a gangly ten year old. Like when I had seen him the last summer I visited before moving to Forks. When I moved here, the first time I saw Jacob again after so many years, I simply overlooked him. I was so sad about leaving Renee, worried about living with Charlie, and starting school. I just… overlaid my memory of a ten year old Jacob all knees and elbows on the true picture.

Last year when I had run into him at First Beach other than looking up to see he was there I didn't really think about him. I used him. I knew that he had a small crush on me when we were younger and I used that knowledge to take advantage of him. My only concern at the time was trying to solve the mystery of Edward Cullen. How horrible I am! I'm sure that my actions and flirtations were glaringly obvious. Jacob may be physically younger than me, but like I grew up quickly to take care of Renee, he grew up twice as fast to care for his entire family. After Jacob's mom died and his father was paralyzed from the accident he had take care of his family. His sisters were older and while they helped becoming the chefs and cleaners around the house, they were at the same time trying to distance themselves from the memories. As soon as they turned of age both of them were gone as quickly as possible. Leaving Jacob to care for his handicapped father. I knew that he occasionally worked on cars for people on the reservation for extra cash.

Thinking about how much Jacob has had to carry on his shoulders over the years I couldn't help but feel a bit amazed at him. I have never heard him complain that he stays home to look after his father rather than being out running around with other sixteen year olds. He is… responsible… caring… he is, just good. A good person, a good son. Growing up I always thought he was one of the nicest people I knew. And it's true. He is one of the nicest people I know, and have ever known. Ignoring the… _sexual_ ramblings of my mind from earlier I focused solely on the person that Jacob is.

I had seen his kindness tonight. While I was having a mental meltdown he had thought I was having a panic attack and was trying to take care of me. While we were outside talking he could sense my need to just try to have a normal conversation that didn't involve discussing my past relationship. When they were leaving how he was instantly at his father's side helping into the truck and taking care of Billy's needs. He is kind. The thought wasn't momentous, or earth shattering. Rather it gave me a quite warmth. Knowing that someone that _good _was my friend. Jacob wasn't like Edward. They were complete opposites in every way. Jacob knew who he was and was perfectly happy with himself. Maybe…

I shook my head again. Focus Bella. I really need to work on keeping my thoughts straight all this head shaking it giving me neck pains. Okay. The thoughts I've been avoiding… introspection is good for the soul Bella. I was, am physically attracted to Jacob Black. I glanced at the words on the page the black ink drying and looking back at me. Seeing it written down helped. I am physically attracted to Jacob Black. The physical attraction was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. Just looking at him had… well… made me excited. I remember thinking how soft his hair looked, how silky his skin seemed, and how I wanted nothing more than to see all that skin and muscles bare before my eyes. Thinking about Jacob made me squirm a bit, a flash of heat flared through my limbs and settled in my stomach.

I picked up my pen again and tapped it against my lips as I tried to put my thoughts into words.

_I like Jacob as a person. I think he is nice, and funny, and kind. I am very attracted to him physically. _

Once again seeing it in words, having it spelled out in front of me helped sooth my chaotic mind. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone. And better yet being attracted to someone for more than there physical attributes is even better. Why was I worrying about this so much? It wasn't like he had asked me to marry him in two weeks. With that thought I felt a small tug in my chest. My heart began beating a little faster. Alright Bella, face the facts. You have a guy that you know pretty well, you like his personality and you like his looks. This is normal. Jacob is easy to be around and I've never felt awkward around him. There is no reason to start now. I'm just going to be Bella. Be myself.

**End Chapter Four**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

I woke the next morning to the sound of Charlie lightly knocking on my bedroom door.

"Bells? You up? It's a little after eight, I figured we would head over to Billy's around nine. Alright?" I rubbed my eyes trying to get rid of the sleep grit and stretched. Arching my back like a cat, stretching my arms over my head, and pushing my legs out while curling my toes. Ohhh, that felt good. I felt my back pop in several places and a tingling flowed through my limbs.

"Yeah, I'm up. Just gotta get ready." I shuffled towards the door to speak to Charlie's face rather than the wooden door. When I opened the door Charlie gave a startle jump back and bumped into the wall knocking a picture of flying ducks sideways. A tiny smile crossed my features as I watched someone else having a clumsy moment. I guess it is kind of funny to see, that must be why others are always laughing. "Did you eat already or do you want me to make breakfast?"

"Huh, oh I figured we could take the fixins and maybe cook over at Billy's. You know… we could all have breakfast together." Charlie was trying way to hard to act normal as he spoke. Straightening the picture and stepping back to see if it was straight as he answered me over his shoulder. I'm pretty sure the moment Billy knew Jacob was going to be a boy he and Charlie started planning our wedding. I find it amusing the way the two of them are always dropping hints, well maybe in Charlie's case. Billy liked to just come out and say what he was thinking. They are like a couple of old ladies, gossiping and trying to play matchmaker.

"Sound good to me. I'll be down as soon as I'm ready." Might as well let him have his fun. The last few months of living with me have been hard on Charlie. My zombie like state and screaming nightmares had kept him in a state of panicked frustration. After a quick shower I picked out an outfit for the day and got my school supplies together. I know Jacob had been serious last night about working on homework. He had always been a dedicated student and like with everything he does he puts 100% effort into his school work. My strongest subject has always been English and my weakest was math. Jacob was the opposite, give him numbers and quadratic equations all day, but leave out all words. Because of his intelligence and hard work he was in a higher math class then me. I figured it would be a fair trade. I'll help him with English and he can tutor me in math.

On the drive to the reservation I watched the scenery through the windows. While I still am not a fan of rain, fogs, clouds, and snow, Forks has really grown on me. Everything here is so green and vibrant. The woods are straight out of a fairy tale, everything feels ancient and the moss covered trees give a vibe of magic to everything. I have always loved the reservation. When I was a kid I loved to run around and just watch all the different people going about their tasks. La Push has a sense of peace and calm about it. Every time I enter the area I feel like I am safe here. It's like nothing can touch me on the reservation. Like it's protected. I watched the families as we drove towards the Black house, smiling as they go about their days. Elders sitting in front of the store chatting and smoking, mothers and children playing at the playground, teenagers hanging out together heading towards the beach. I love La Push. The peace is beautiful.

When Charlie stopped the car in front of Billy's house he barely had time to turn off the engine before my door was flung open and Jacob was pulling me out of the seat.

"Bells! You made it!" His happiness was evident in the wide smile showing striking white teeth against his bronzed skin. He lifted me easily out of the car and gave me another swinging hug. I know I'm not that big, but he can lift me around like I'm a feather. It's a Jacob hug. Warm, welcoming, and as exuberant as a puppy in the park.

"Jake… gotta… breath…" someone should inform him that those muscles packed a punch. Damn, he's strong. "Of course, did you think I was going to stand you up?" I had to tease him. Something about Jacob made me feel… lighthearted.

"Course not! I know you want my body Bells, no need to be shy." My face instantly flushed and in my embarrassment I tripped a fell, right into Jacob's arms. "See you are just trying to have your way with me." His laugh was as beautiful as the rest of him. I reached up, damn he's tall, and slapped his shoulder lightly.

"You wish." I grabbed the food and my school bag and started for the house. Charlie was already on the porch following Billy inside. No doubt he had to run as quickly as possible to tell him how well their _plans_ were going. "Like a couple of old women," I huffed under my breathe.

"I know, and they are getting worse with age." Jacob joked with me as he grabbed everything from my hands. "Come on, Bells. I'm starving!" I followed Jacob through the house to the kitchen. Everything looked exactly as I remember it.

In the kitchen Jacob was already pulling food out of the bags and starting to set everything up.

"You helping me cook?" I know Jacob can cook. Billy can't reach the stove and nothing delivers in Forks or La Push. Not even pizza. Smiling he started gathering what we would need form the pantry and together we set to making breakfast. As we moved around the small kitchen we joked and laughed. Jacob has a great sense of humor. He's the type of person that keeps everyone giggling. I kept my focus on cooking and chatting and tried to ignore the tingling I felt whenever we would brush together. I couldn't stop myself from letting my eyes sweep over him occasionally. I'm only appreciating not perving I kept telling myself. Okay, I'm perving I admitted quietly in my thoughts as I watched Jacob bend to pull biscuits out of the oven. Damn. Really, that is the only word that needs to be said about the view of Jacob Black bending over in tight jeans right in front of me. Seriously, Damn.

Jacob placed the biscuits on the counter and turned to look at me, smirking. Smirking! Again! He is aware I was checking him out, and from the smirk on his face he doesn't mind. With Jacob's smirk I froze in place, I could feel my heart pick up speed. My face was slowly warming. I looked into his big, brown eyes and couldn't stop a gasp from escaping my mouth. His eyes were looking straight into mine. I could see the hunger and lust in his gaze. So slowly is could be described as nothing but being eye fucked, he dragged his eyes from my face down my body and slowly back up again.

When his eyes rose to meet mine again I could see the desire in them flame higher. My own body was feeling taunt as a bow, heat was pooling in my abdomen, my limbs felt shaky. My face was burning. Not from embarrassment, but from _want_. Seeing the need in my eyes Jacob took a slow step towards me. His move were predatory and fuck me if it wasn't hot! I knew that if he touched me I was going to lose it. What it was I didn't know at the moment. It could be my mind, or maybe my clothes. I didn't care. He took another step and that damned smirk was still there. Flashes like lightening were zinging through my body. The sexual tension slowly stealing my thought process. Another step and he was within hand's reach.

He stopped in front of me, so close I could smell his scent. Like a wood fire and the wilds of a forest. I looked into his eyes. Wanting, needing his touch. Why was he standing so close but not touching me. I wanted to feel those smooth, strong arms wrapped around me. His hands on my face, in my hair, pulling me towards his mouth. I wanted to wrap myself around his body. Finally he seemed to reach a decision, his hands lifted slowly to my cheeks, so soft for one who looks like he could lift a car. Gently his thumbs rubbed against my skin as he stared into my eyes.

I tilted my head in his hands, showing him I wanted this. It felt like a dream sequence. I could see his beautiful face coming closer, his hands moving to the back of my head, supporting me as he tilted my lips to his. His lips met mine. A gentle touch. A soft sweet kiss. I returned it as gently. We continued to kiss softly for a moment our lips moving together. It was perfection. Innocence and want blended together. It was the kind of first kiss you tell your grandkids about. A kiss books are based on.

I felt his tongue swipe across my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to him willingly. The moment his tongue touched mine the world spun off its axis.

The burn I had felt in my body erupted. Jacob's hand grasped my head more forcefully while the other hand pulled my waist closer to him. My hands gripped his back, nails digging into his shirt and pulled myself as close to him as possible. His mouth was hot, and sweet against my own, his tongue rubbing, dancing, twirling, owning mine. My whole body melted into him, trying to merge with his. Our hearts were hammering. The passion in his kiss was making my legs weak. My head was spinning. I felt like I was going to explode out of my skin. We needed to breath but I didn't want to stop this amazing, all consuming kiss. I felt another surge of energy through my body, making me moan aloud. The wanton sound coming from my own throat surprised me.

An earsplitting boom slammed through the house. Followed by a soft plinking noise. Jacob and I pulled away from each other panting softly. What in the world? I looked around trying to discover where the sound came from. Jacob started laughing quietly to himself. Looking up at him in confusion I saw he was pointing at the counter. A jar of grape jelly I had pulled out earlier had… blown-up. At least that's what it looked like.

"What in the world?" "What was that?" "Are you okay?" "Bells? Jake?" Billy and Charlie's worried voices got louder as they came into the kitchen. Um. My brain is fuzzy, my body weak and all I can think about was that amazing kiss. I glanced up at Jacob maybe he can focus a little better, I'm trying to not jump back into his arms.

"Um…" Charlie was glancing between Jacob and I and the mess on the counter. Jacob's arm was still wrapped around my waist and I was leaning onto him. I felt so weak. If he moves I'm going to fall into the floor a pile of warm Bella goo. Jacob seemed to understand my concern and his grip tightened slightly.

"Sorry, Dad, Charlie. When I pulled the biscuits from the oven I must have set the hot pan to close to the cold jar." Huh, well. That actually sounds plausible. My answer would have been something along the lines of _Jacob, Fucking hot, kissing, wanna jump, jar go boom._ I giggled to myself at my thoughts and then I imagined what everyone's reactions to my thoughts would be and started laughing harder. I was standing in Billy's kitchen where I had just made out with his son, while both our fathers were less than five feet away. And now there is grape jelly. Everywhere.

My laughter burst out of me so loud everyone gave a slight jump. I couldn't help it, that just made it seem funnier. Tears were forming in my eyes, I was trying to breath and stop to explain that, no I hadn't lost my mind. I was simple amused. As I laughed Jacobs hold on my waist loosened, he was staring at me with wide eyes and a smile dancing on his beautiful lips. I couldn't stop laughing long enough to form words so I started motioning to the mess. Pointing erratically and giggling harder every time I looked to the mess.

Jacob seemed to finally understand that whole thing was as hilarious as I found it, and moments later his loud, rich laughter joined mine. We reached for each other laughing and slid to the floor. Leaning against each others shoulders our laughter kept us shaking and bobbing around. We slowly calmed with minor chuckles escaping every now and again. Wiping tears from my eyes I looked over at Billy and Charlie. They think we've lost our minds I'm sure. They both had the biggest, more ridiculous grins I had ever seen stretched across their faces. Of course, they do.

"Right. Everything is ready. We can, ha, just clean, ha, up the mess, ha ha, after we finish." Jacob pulled himself up while lifting me to my feet at the same time. Right Bella breakfast. That's what we were doing, cooking breakfast. Jacob and I started dishing up everyone a plate avoiding the purple blobs. Luckily most of the glass fell into the sink and away from the food. As we carried the plates over to our dads and sat down to eat I wondered… did Charlie or Billy see us kissing? Their excitement from that happening would explain the shit-eating grins, but I know that neither of them would be able to keep from saying something about it, so maybe not. I know Jacob and I are going to have to talk about that kiss, or what it might mean. I guess.

I don't want to talk about it. I just… want to let things happen without discussion. I'm attracted to him, he is to me, we are friends, and we hang out. I just want to be… normal. No talking, discussion, planning. I don't want labels or pressure. Looking over at Jacob I wonder if he will want the same things, or if he will want more. I don't think I'm ready for more. Our eyes meet and he gave me a quick wink before going back to his food.

"So…" I have never heard Charlie's voice so… sing-song before. But Billy interrupted him before he could go any farther. "Next time you kids make out in my kitchen try not to break anything. I really wanted grape jelly on my biscuits." I gave a couch feeling the blush steal over my features. Jacob just crinkled his eyes in a smile, nodded lightly, and continued to chew his food. Of course. Knew they wouldn't be able to keep their mouths shut, and I guess they most certainly knew we were kissing. Great.

**End Chapter Five**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

After breakfast Charlie and Billy headed out to go fishing, leaving Jacob and I to clean up and do our school work together. After we had finished straightening the kitchen we settled in the living room. Jacob had been quite since we finished eating. Maybe he regrets kissing me. Or maybe he felt awkward around me because of the kiss. My thoughts were running, trying to figure out if our kiss may have changed our friendship. I don't want that. I enjoyed the kiss. Okay I really, really enjoyed the kiss, but… If Jacob only wants to be my friend and act like the kiss never happened can I do that? Signing softly to myself I decided that I could, and if that was what he wanted I would.

At my sigh Jacob's head turned towards me. "Bella?"

"Ready to learn Shakespeare?" I can do this. Just act like a normal friend, not one that wants to jump his bones. It was Jacob's turn to sigh. He turned to lock eyes with me and grabbed my hands. I couldn't stop the light blush from touching my cheeks at the feel of my hands in his warm hold.

"Look, Bells. About earlier…" He seemed to be struggling with his words. I felt the urge to jump in a reassure him that is was nothing, just a heat of the moment thing. But, I didn't want to lie. To him or myself. That kiss had been the single most erotic and charged moment of my life. After all the introspection I had gone through the last few days I knew what I was comfortable with. I just didn't want us to become labeled. With titles there is pressure, and that last thing I want to deal with right now is pressure. I continued to look up at him and keep my mouth shut. I would allow him to speak his mind and I would… react accordingly to his thoughts.

Another heavy sigh fell from Jacobs lips. He lifted one leg from the floor and turned on the couch facing me directly now.

"Bells… that kiss was… was amazing. I don't regret it. If anything I would really like to do it again." A crooked smile stretched his lips as he said this to me. Good. So he liked kissing me and would like to do it again. That sounds good to me.

"It's just… I know that you have… that you are just getting over… I don't want to ruin…" He couldn't seem to decide what he wanted to say to me. I fought the urge to give in and interrupt his speech. Bella you will sit there quietly and let the boy speak! I needed to hear his true thoughts.

"I really like you Bells… as more than a friend. I think you are amazing, always have, really. But I don't want to mess up, and be… I don't know the rebound guy, or a substitute." My hands twitched in his at these words. Rebound guy? No, I thought to myself, I don't see Jacob as a way to move past or get over my relationship with Edward. I was doing that on my own, working through the angst, drama, and heartache he left behind without relying on anyone else to carry me through it. I couldn't be that unfair to anyone. Especially not Jacob. So no, not a rebound. Definitely not a substitute. I don't want anyone in my life like Edward was. He had been wrong for me why would I try to make someone fill that role? Jacob was so different from Edward. Not just physically but their minds and personalities were completely opposite. Edward had been all quite torture and brooding. Jacob was happy and sharing. Even now Jacob was telling me his feelings and being so honest.

He knew what he wanted. Me. Jacob wanted me. He liked me. A lot. He thinks I'm amazing. This brought a smile to my face. Jacob looked a bit more at ease when he saw my smile. He wants me, but at the same time he knows what he needs. He wants me, but not part of me, or me if I am heart sick over someone else. That. Right there is what I find so wonderful about Jacob. He doesn't do anything by halves. He likes me and wants to explore what we could have, but if we do he wants me as committed. He wants all of me. Exactly like my thoughts for the last few days. Knowing myself and what I want. Jacob knows who he is and is telling me know what he wants. Out loud, no games, no confusion.

"Jacob," I was happy with his words. The thought of labeling what we could have still made me nervous. "I really like you to, more than a friend. The last few months have been… hard. But, getting over Edward was something I had to do on my own. I had to move past it without letting anyone else trying to _fix_ me. That's why you could never be a rebound. I want to move on with my own strength. And I don't want a substitute for him." The thought of being in a relationship like mine and Edwards again caused a small grimace. "We have been friends a long time. And I'd like to… well… see what this could be." Motioning between us, I was trying to get the words out quickly. I wanted to be honest, but talking about the thoughts in my head and feelings was… embarrassing.

"I just… I don't want to label it as anything. Because you know with labels and titles come expectations and I don't want there to be any. I just wanna be us, you know. Just let things happen as they happen. Does that make sense?" The words flew out of my mouth in a nervous rush. Jacob grabbed my hands in his again and gave them a squeeze. I gathered enough courage to look into his face again. His eyes were bright and that smile, the _Jacob Smile_ was on his face. I could see it in his face, that he understood what I had been trying to say. Jacob was amazing.

"Sure, Sure. No title, no expectations, no stress. Gotta keep Dad and Charlie from trying to arrange the wedding ceremony. Got it." His voice was light and happy. When he spoke about our dads I couldn't help but giggle. Dropping my hands and turning back to our books on the coffee table he grabbed his English literature text.

"So explain this phrase to me. Hamlet makes my brain turn to mush." I smiled and reached over to help him learn to intricacies of Shakespeare's words.

As I walked through the forest I felt a presence running along side me. I looked trying to see who was with me, but nothing. The air was warm and heavy with moisture. The humidity pushing onto me making every breathe feel thick, like I was inhaling water straight from the air. The trees loomed overhead, thick branches draped and sagging with vines and moss. I could see water droplets glistening when the sun sliced through the leaves. Where am I? The presence to my side continued. Comforting me. I felt safe in this forest, and my invisible companion was my protector.

_**Protector**_

The word echoed through the trees. It may have been the wind it was so soft. The gentle sound swept past me. Yes a protector. My protector. Who? I continued walking. I felt like I had been here before. This path was known to me. Where am I? My thoughts were questioning, but my body seemed to know where I was going. I continued traveling through the mystic forest. I stopped at the edge of the tree line. I could see a clearing in front of me now. It was.. Magical. Flowers blowing softly in the wind. A stream bubbling through the center. Rocks littered the edges of the streams banks, like natural seats for water gazing. I've been here before.

_**Yes**_

Again, the soft word came from everywhere and nowhere. I looked around for the voice, but it was unimportant. I know this place. This is where…

Where what? I questioned myself. There was a thought, maybe a memory on the edge of my mind. I couldn't grasp it and it was gone again. I took a hesitant step into the clearing. I felt my companion move to my left. Now I would be able to see who it was. As a figure broke the tree line to my left I blinked quickly. What?

A wolf?

_**Your wolf.**_

The biggest wolf I have ever seen walked gracefully into the clearing. It was easily the size of horse. Red fur with brown and black streaks. It strolled to the stream where it bent down and took a drink, before turning up to look at me.

Those eyes! I know those eyes.

_**Yes.**_

The memory was tugging at my thoughts again as I gazed at the creature in front of me. I felt no fear. I understood this was my protector. I took slow steps toward him. Him? I felt I had to be closer. I was supposed to be next to him.

_**Yes.**_

As I reached his side I lifted my hand to touch the fur that looked soft and inviting.

I shot up in bed, my hand still out reached to pet the wolf in my dream. What in the world. I was panting, my breath ragged. I felt like I had been running. My skin was damp with sweat. Like the mist from my dream. I go out of bed and walked to the window. I was feeling slightly feverish. Lifting the window a cool breeze moved through my room comforting my hot skin. I sat there enjoying the chilly air until I began to feel cold.

What an odd dream, I thought closing the window and heading back to bed. My blankets felt warm against my chilled skin, I snuggled into the comfort of my soft bedding and pillows. I have always had weird dreams. I remember when I was younger, my mom and I were visiting my Grandmother and I dreamed about a small black kitten crying on my Grandma Marie's back porch. I told my mom and Grandma the next morning about the dream. I remembered Granma Marie's words clearly. "All women of the Swan family have special talents, my dear Isabella. You were named after my great-great Grandmother, Isabella. She brought the family to this town, because she saw in a dream that one day a daughter was needed here." Her words were soft spoken and with a gentle pat to my hand she turned back to her breakfast. That night as we all sat down to supper I heard it. On the back porch there was a small, ragged black kitten. Grandma Marie swept past me and picked up the little one. As she came back into the house with the small animal being comforted in her arms, she gave me a smile. "Good job my little Isabella."

I hadn't thought about that night in years. I turned onto my side and cuddled further into my bed. As I drifted back to sleep I thought I heard Grandma Marie's voice again.

_**Soon, my little Isabella.**_

**End Chapter Six**

An: That's it for this week. More coming next week. Will be up by Friday unless I get extra bored and work even faster. Thank you for the reviews.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:** Thank you to those who reviewed. Yes, there are a lot of grammatical errors, typos, and general mistakes. I apologize if they truly bother anyone, or hinder enjoyment of the story. Beyond a read through and basic spell check, no other editing takes place. I am more concerned at the moment with trying to get the idea out. However, after I have completed the story I will revise it and fix my mistakes. Until then I ask that you please excuse my mess. This story is building and the meat of the plot is around the corner. I shall endeavor to update weekly, but hope that I will be able to move quicker and get this story completed as quickly as possible. Again, I appreciate all the reviews and comments. Thank you! -** Merely Observing **

**Chapter Seven**

After my _weekend of discovery_, as I have taken to calling it in my head, things continued to change. And became more strange.

Monday I was back in school, and without the barrier of my misery and emptiness, I unfortunately once again became a part the world. Rejoining the world of the living around my father, Billy, and Jacob was easy. I already loved and respected them. They all had known me from infancy and my _dark period_ was just another piece of life. My life. Yes it had been heartbreaking and emotionally horrific, but it was a phase of life. And it was becoming a phase they had witnessed that would form aspects of my character and personality. Like all other phases of life.

However, the students of Forks High School had not been around my entire life. They didn't know what I was like before the Cullen episode. Their impression, I imagined, were of a new, shy girl somehow bagging one of the hottest and mysterious students in the school. Then when dumped , I fell into a black hole.

I became a black hole. Sucking up the happiness and light of the world around me. My state had easily alienated others from me. I was not concerned with their thoughts or even with the fact that they began to avoid me. Truth be told, I was rather glad to be invisible to the other students.

When I arrived at school on Monday I knew instantly that my change in demeanor would be noticed. I sat in my truck having a small panic attack when the realization hit me. After only a weekend the difference in me was obvious. I could see it, Charlie could see it, and I knew everyone here would see it.

Like in all small towns any change to the status quo is a topic of lengthy discussion, debate, and curiosity. I had been quite happy being ignored by the teenage population. I knew the moment I stepped out of my truck that population would see the changes and once again it would be open season on Bella.

I could see it in my head. The process which everyone would notice change. Notice I was no longer an empty husk of a girl. To them this would mean it was safe to approach me. To talk to me. And the thought I was dreading so much, to ask me about what happened. Learning the truth about the breakup all of Forks knew about would be on their agenda. The first person to get the juicy gossip would be the resident celebrity until something new or interesting happened. And unfortunately for me, this is Forks. New and interesting happens rarely.

First they would notice the change in my hair. 'Where did her messy, boring, limp mop of ratty brown hair go?" Then the clothes. 'When has Bella ever dressed like an oversized Wal-mart rack?" Eventually they would refocus on my face. 'Did you see her eyes? They aren't empty, dead holes on her face. And those dark circles are starting to fade, she must have started using makeup.' And finally someone would gather the courage, or stupidity, to approach me. Then they would _want to talk_.

As I sat in the humid cabin of my Chevy I let these thoughts pass through my head. Groaning aloud my head bumped against the steering wheel. I don't have any grudges against most of these people. I do however **hate** being the center of attention. And there are some people at this school who's attention I really didn't want.

It had been embarrassing enough when I first arrived and all the guys decided I was fresh meat and they were going to be the first to get the kill. While mostlyv harmless, it was still annoying. I do not enjoy causing pain. To anyone. Being continually shut down had to hurt. Rejection hurt. I knew.

But even more frustrating than the boys at Forks were the girls. I always try to be nice to everyone, and assume that even though I see no redeeming qualities, everyone has one. When I started here Jessica was the first girl that talked to me so I was nice and spoke back. Somehow this lead to be part of her _group_. They weren't bad people. I slowly got to know Angela who I truly liked. She was a bit like me. Quiet, shy, and liked to remain in the background. Angela and I had been starting to form a friendship before the Cullen drama started, and I pulled away from everything in my life.

Thinking about Angela I vaguely remember her trying to speak to me at school the last few months. I couldn't grasp the memories. I had been empty then. I noticed little to nothing. I had no interest in anything. Groaning I banged my head against the wheel again. Angela is such a nice girl. She had been nothing but kind to me. I'm sure when she had tried to speak with me she was being caring and friendly. And I had completely ignored her. I felt horrible. I decided then that if she was even willing to speak with me I would apologize.

Feeling a little more calm I uncurled in my seat. Deep breaths, Bella. You have been a horrible person the last few months. Don't continue it. When someone asks questions be nice even if you don't answer them. I could evade questions. While I knew people wanted the gossi; it was private. I planned to keep it that way.

Pep talk finished I grabbed my bag, jumped out of the truck, and started for homeroom. As soon as the truck door shut I could feel eyes moving towards me. Lately those eyes had glanced at me then quickly looked away. Like my depression was contagious through sight. Today however those eyes stopped on my form. As I walked towards the classroom I could feel those eyes beginning to catalogue my changes. And as I reached the door, it stared. The slow buzz and hiss of whispers. I quickly walked into the room shutting the door behind me hoping to stop the sound.

Regrettably the curious and furious noise was following me. I sat down and took a moment to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and steady myself for the questions I knew would be coming all day. I opened my eyes and looked up. I can do this. Looking up I saw that most of the other students were huddled in groups of two or three by their desks. The constant glancing in my direction and the not so quiet whispers were not helping settle my nerves. I looked around for any distraction from the questioning looks. Angela was sitting quietly in her desk next to mine. Not staring at me.

A blessing.

I wanted to apologize to her and it didn't seem like she completely avoided being near me. Like the others.

I turned in my seat to face her. Sensing the movement she looked over at me and meet my eyes. A small hesitant smile was all I could conjure at the moment, but it seemed to do the trick. Smiling back at me Angela spoke, "I like the new look, Bella."

That was why I liked Angela. She was nice, kind, and it appeared forgiving. My smile became a bit bigger and warmer.

"Thanks Angela. I just needed a change." Now that the general ice had been broken I felt a bit more confident. Lowering my voice to hopefully give our conversation some privacy, I leaned closer to her. "I want to apologize to you. I know that I've been a horrible person and a horrible friend since Edward left. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. You were hurting, and you needed time to work through it." She reached over and patted my hand. Angela had a very soothing quality about her, almost like a mother. That short sentence and gesture brightened my spirits. And like that I knew that Angela had forgiven me. I felt a bit better, like I was slowly righting the wrongs committed lately.

"Thanks." The gratitude in my one word was obvious.

As our homeroom teacher walked in the other students begin moving towards there seats.

"Great. Bella-bitch is back!" The words were quiet but full of venom from behind me.

Lauren.

At the words Angela gave a shocked gasp and turned to look back at Lauren. I could see the reprimand forming in her mind. My muscles were tense. While I should have expected the attitude from Lauren, I was caught off guard by the hate. I could feel it pouring off her. It laced her words clearly.

From the moment we meet, Lauren for a reason I do not understand, has loathed me. At first I thought it was jealousy because I was new and guys seemed to be paying attention to me. That had been the issue with Jessica's yo-yoing friendliness. Jessica, while getting jealous and annoyed, had never gone farther than a small catty comment. One that usually could be seen as a compliment, but you knew was a put down.

Lauren however was a completely different case. She actually hated my very being. Every moment I was within hearing distance she took the opportunity to be snaky, rude, and horrid to me. Others had often called her on it and eventually she would leave off just to keep the general peace. Her glares however never stopped. I had once thought about asking Edward to find out what her problem with me was. In the end I couldn't justify the invasion of privacy it would be to actually ask him to knowingly use his gift to give me information. The thought that everyone has a redeeming quality even if I can't see it had stemmed from meeting Lauren.

Her behavior to me had earned many responses from me., I tried to be nice. I tried to ignore it. And I tried over and over again to try to understand her problem.

I couldn't. And it lead to an equal amount of dislike towards her. I wasn't proud to know I actually didn't like someone enough to call it _hate_ in my own head. But I am learning to be honest and open with myself and my thoughts. The truth was I do _hate_. I haet the way she acts around me. I hate the way she talks about me. I hate the comments, the rude cut downs, the insults. But above all I hate that I let her get away with it. I hate that I allowed myself to be degraded so often with nary a word. I never stand up for myself around her, and that has lead to her becoming more obnoxious.

My anger was starting to rise. I just knew that any moment I wa going to snap at her and say something horrible. I had a brief thought of jumping out of my chair, facing her, and calling her out. Why would I let someone talk to me that way? If she was talking about my friend that way I would stand up for them. I could not sit back and listen to unnecessary cruelness. So why was I willing to put up with it when I was the target. I am better than that.

The opinion of one girl I barely know has no effect on me. But it was the idea. The act of allowing someone else to verbally walk all over me.

I turned in my chair. Anger was burning in my veins and I knew that I was going to do something I would regret later. As I opened my mouth to give her a scathing retort the teacher began calling attendance.

His voice jolted me back to the room. My anger relented slightly. A death glare I just knew looked fierce was aimed directly at her. I turned back to face the front of class and tried to focus. Deep breaths, Bella. This was becoming my inner mantra. I knew there were going to be annoying questions today, but dealing with Lauren and her distain was not something I had thought about.

I want to correct my mistakes, not create more. But then again, standing up for myself isn't a mistake. I had let the Edward and Alice direct, dictate, and decide everything for me. I was furious at myself for allowing someone control over me. This felt much like that. I was letting someone have free reign to verbally destroy me. To harass me without reprimand. No! I am stronger than that. I will be a punching bag for anyone.

The words in my head were giving me strength. I felt conviction to stand up for myself. Just like I'm not going to let the past influence me any longer, I was going to learn to stand firm. On my one thoughts, beliefs, and my own will. I will not roll over and let anyone hurt me. With words or actions. It was going to end _completely_.

I am **not** going to allow myself to be a doormat ever again. In **any** situation!

I nodded lightly to myself as I reached for my notebook. I knew that Lauren would open her mouth again today. But I was ready. I would not lie down and take a beating that was undeserved and unwarranted.

I **am** better than that! _I owe it to myself to be strong_.

**End Chapter Seven **


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **Early post because I got a very nice review at just the right moment. It made me happy, so I'm going to share the next piece with you all. I'm getting excited! If all continues well I will have the next chapter up very soon. Thank you to all those who reviewed. I try to respond to all reviews if possible. I appreciate the time and effort to talk to me, so I will try to return the favor. - Merely Observing

**Chapter Eight**

After homeroom was dismissed I gathered my belongings and mentally prepared myself for the remaining of the day. My desire to stand up for myself was strong, but I also did not want to make a scene. I am not one to look for trouble, it just happens to find me. I would go about my day and not worry about Lauren and her obvious problem. But the moment she opened her mouth I would not cower or let it slide. I know that it won't be long before the inevitable confrontation would occur, but until then I will continue to pretend she doesn't exist.

To my surprise and relief the battle I had imagined would happen never occurred.

Well sort of.

Angela and I walked out of homeroom and turned down the hallway to head to Calculus.

"Are you ready for this test?" Angela looked slightly nervous.

"Yeah, I had some study help this weekend." At her curious look I explained. "My friend Jacob, he lives in La Push, is a total math wiz. I tutor him in English and he helps me with math." I couldn't help but notice the change in my voice when I spoke about Jacob. If I had been speaking with Jessica she would have jumped all over it and start harassing my for information. 'Who's Jacob? Do you like him? Is he your boyfriend? Is he, like totally hot?' I could her the imaginary questions in my head. Angela bless her, just smiled and gave me a knowing look.

"That's really good. I spend the better part of Saturday morning locked in my bedroom trying to memorize formulas and equations. It is almost impossible to study around my little brothers. I finally gave up and had to go to the library so I would be able to focus." She laughed lightly. We were almost at the classroom when something bumped into me causing me to crash into Angela. I threw my hands out to catch myself before I hit the ground, but only succeeded in gripping Angela's shirt and dragging her down with me.

My body jarred painfully as I landed on the ground. My lower back gave a twinge.

"Ow. Sorry Angela." I looked up to see what had knocked me over. Lauren was a couple of paces in front of our fallen forms. Of course. She turned and looked over her shoulder at me. He eyes were hard.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't see you there." Her voice held an apologetic tone, but it was obvious it was fake. "My bad." She turned around to face us, acting like she was going to help us up, "I wouldn't want to _abandon_ you on the floor." Her snotty voice stressed the word abandon. I could feel the barb in the word. The pain she was wanting me to feel. The pain she was trying to cause me. My face must have shown that I understood the game she was trying to play. Giving up all pretense of being nice or concerned, she smirked at me, crossed her arms, and shifted her weight on one leg.

**Bitch!**

**Complete and Total Bitch! **

Who the hell does this girl think she is?

In a flash I was furious. I jumped to my feet, preparing to verbally lay into her for her attitude problem. I could feel heat building in my body. I wanted to remove that look from her face. I wanted to tell her to stop acting like a vindictive, manipulative, idiotic CHILD! I have never been a confrontational person, and the idea of fighting was making me shake. But my anger was stronger than my fear. I righted myself and focused on Lauren. The self-satisfied smile on her face infuriated me. A small angry growl escaped my lips.

**SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!**

Every locker lining the hallway seemed to fly open at the exact same time. The metal doors banging loudly at the speed. The noise caused everyone to jump and a few screamed. I heard the noise and peripherally saw the lockers opening. My attention however was on the arrogant girl in front of me.

**Enough!**

The word was loud in my head. I am not taking crap from **anyone**!

My eyes narrowed further on her form. Before I could move towards her or open my mouth she took a step away from me. Her eyes went from hateful and mean to slightly confused and scared.

Everything seemed to slow down. In the moment it took her to lift one leg and move it back, I saw everything. I saw the confused and frightened faces of the students in the hallway. I could feel the panic and bewilderment at what had just happened. I saw Angela still on the ground. When I pulled her down she must have jarred the ground hard. Her wrist was curled to her chest and pain was in her eyes. I saw that Laruen was at the top of the stairwell that lead to the art classes. I knew in that moment that if she finished her movement it was going to be bad. When she tried to set her foot down there would be nothing to support her.

I felt like Alice, for a brief moment I saw the images run through my head. Lauren would try to put her foot down, with no ground she would lose balance and begin to fall backwards. Her eyes would widen in fear. Arms would fly out trying to maintain balance or find something to grab on. Gravity would not be denied. She would tumble back. Her momentum would have her fall over four steps, before she would meet the stairs halfway down with her back. The crunch at impact would be audible to every ear. A surprised, pained shriek would fall from her lips, before her body would curl reflexively. The motion and inertia from the fall would cause her to roll backwards and continue to fall down the steps. Bumping ever step until she would come to a rest at the foot of the stairs with a slam as her head meet the hard concrete under the school carpet.

I knew that if she fell she would be seriously injured. I heard a voice whisper.

_**Paralyzed. Never walk again. Head injury. Loss of short term memory. Never bother you again. **_

Time stopped. The slow motion I had been seeing was frozen. Someone hit the pause button.

_**A decision to be made. **_

A decision? I don't understand.

_**You can help her. Or you can hurt her. It is your choice. **_

How could I hurt here? She is going to fall. I didn't do anything. I didn't make her push me down. I didn't make her stop with her back to the stairs. I didn't push her backwards. She is going to fall and it will be her own doing. Her own fault. Not mine.

_**Maybe.**_

Maybe? What the fuck maybe? I'm pretty damn sure I don't have Jedi mind powers or am able to control others. It's just bad luck, or karma, or something.

_**Regardless of what you think, you must choose. It is time.**_

Time for what? What the fuck?

_**Choose Isabella Marie. **_

_**Choose. Choose. **_

_**Choose Isabella. **_

_**Choose. Choose. Choose. Choose. **_

The word echoed through me head. I would be able to grab Lauren and pull her away from the danger. Keep her from getting hurt. I knew that helping her, saving her would not change a thing. She would still hate me. Continue to be heinous to me. But could I do that? Could I allow someone's life to be ruined because of my own inaction. The fact that the thought even crossed my mind made me cringe. I felt dirty, tainted. Horrible. Instantly I knew my choice.

I moved faster than I ever had in my life. I wondered if it was as fast as a vampire. My steps were steady and sure as I quickly moved towards Lauren. Someone hit the play button just as I was within reaching distance of her. I saw her foot going down. Her eyes started to open. Her arms shot out. And I grabbed them both and pulled her towards me.

With a crash and pained grunt we both fell backwards. Her weight pushed the air out of my lungs as she landed on top of me.

Silence.

For about two seconds before the noise in the hall exploded.

"Oh My God!"

"Did you see that?"

"Bella just saved her life!"

"That chick almost bit it!"

"Dude what the fuck?"

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Lauren, oh my god, you almost feel down the stairs, Bella, like, totally just saved your life. She, like, ran and grabbed you and pulled you back. You were totally going to fall down the stairs and like, break a leg or something. Oh my god. Bella you are , like, a total hero chick. That was so cool." Jessica's voice carried over all others as she reached down to help Lauren up. Angela was at my side helping me rise.

"Thanks, Ang." Owww. My back fucking hurts. Oh I am going to have a wicked bruise. If I can walk straight tomorrow I will be surprised.

"Are you alright Bella? You hit the ground really hard. I think you need to go see the nurse." Angela voice was quiet but had a slight frantic quality to it. I nodded to her, my back was killing me and my head was throbbing. I must have smacked it when I fell the second time. She reached over and put my arm around her shoulder. Mike came up from behind, slung my bag on his back, and placed my other arm over his shoulder. I didn't hurt my legs. I started to complain that I could walk just fine, but I saw the worry in Angela's eyes and just sighed. I would suck it up and let them lead me to the nurses office. I looked over at Lauren curious if she was alright.

For a moment her eyes looked into mine without the usual hatred and malice. But the moment passed quickly and she scowled before grabbing her backpack and storming down the steps. Of course. I knew that helping wouldn't change anything. As my human crutches lead me through the nurses door and helped me set on the table I was pleased with my decision. If I could choose to help someone, anyone, ever; I would. Regardless of personal feelings or vendettas.

A stray memory crossed my mind. Jacob and I walking on First Beach, he was telling me about the legends of his tribe. The Cold Ones. But I remembered the other part of the legend. The Protectors. The ones who kept everyone safe. Yes. In retrospect I would rather be a Protector than a Cold One. If I could ever help someone I would. A passion to help flared in my heart and soul.

I hope that if I am able that I will help others. I would like to do good in this world.

As I made my inner declaration a sharp stabbing pain hit my temple. I moaned and my eyes rolled in my head. I could feel my body falling back onto the table. Oh damn this is going to hurt! My back can't take much more. Before I passed out I heard the voice again.

_**Yes. It is time my little Isabella Marie.**_

My eyes closed and black rushed in.

**End Chapter Eight**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:**Something a bit different. This chapter wasn't planned or part of the story, but I was reading a fic (sorry can't remember which) and it had a Charlie POV and it got me thinking. I couldn't get it out of my head so I wrote it. Next chapter will be out tomorrow as usual. Sorry I know that this is kind of continuing a cliff hanger. But I had to write it. Charlie needs more love. I haven't found a Charlie fic yet... hmmm... maybe? -Merely Observing

**Chapter Nine**

_Renee, _

_Hello. How are you and Phil? Sorry I didn't write you on Sunday like usual, but something happened. I'm not real sure what happened, but things are different. _

_Since the last email she had been the same every day. Every night she would sleep for a few hours then wake up screaming bloody murder. After awhile I just kinda got used to it. During the days she just continued to drift around. Nothing seemed to get her to sit up and take notice. She was like a robot. Get up, get ready, go to school, come home, homework, make dinner, go to her room and stare out the window. Everyday. _

_I didn't know what to do, Renee. The pain could clearly be seen, but I don't know how to help her. It's been killing me. She's my little girl. I'm supposed to protect her. I know that heartbreak is a normal part of life, and that everyone will go through it, but with her… It's not just heartbreak. It's like he took her soul, and left an empty shell. All the wonderful things that made Bells our Bella. Her little habits, rituals, and mostly her loving personality, they were just gone. Shut off. _

_I knew there was something not right about that boy. He was too nice, and tried too hard. His parent's seemed like alright people, and that sister of his was a real sweetheart. But there was just something about that boy. I swear Renee, you could actually see the rain cloud over the kid's head. He always looked so.. Troubled. Like he was miserable and trying to pretend he was just normal and happy. But I never fell for it. I always felt he was faking. He just came off as false. But when he looked at our Bella._

_It was a complete change. His entire demeanor changed. I didn't care for the boy. I know you think that because he a boy and Bells is my little girl, but that's not true. He just… you could see it in Phoenix, right? They just don't go together. It was like oil and water, they didn't mix. But even though I could see they weren't right for each other, I could see that he truly cared for my baby. The look in his eyes when she was in the room. It was kind of amazing to see the way he was around her. _

_The fake attitude he had around me would fade completely. It was like Bella was the center of his universe. He was constantly watching her every move. It was like he wanted to make sure he didn't miss a second of her life. And he was so protective of her. I'm her father, and I feel protective of her, but he took it to the extreme. Or it was a different kind of protective. I would do anything to keep Bella safe, and stop her from hurting. But with that kid it was like he wanted to wrap her in cotton and lock her in a padded room. Sometimes Renee… sometimes it was almost obsessive. _

_He would get this look on his face. I know you think that most of it's in my head or just me seeing what I want because she's my little girl. But there were small moments. Like she would be cooking in the kitchen and start cutting vegetables… and his eyes would get… darker. Like he was trying to intimidate the knife to not accidentally cut her. Or something. I'm telling you Renee, it was weird. _

_And I know our Bella isn't a girl that wants all that frilly, girly stuff. But he never took her on a real date. They would always spend time with his entire family. He did take her to prom. Which was worse, cause you know Bells. She hated it. She didn't want to go at all. And his sister Alice came over and just dressed her however she wanted, and told her she was going and it would be fun. And Bella just caved and agreed. Renee, it was insane. You know our Bella. Never, ever her entire life have I ever seen her do something she truly doesn't want to do. Our girl is stubborn (I know it probably came from me) and she always stood up for herself. With them it was…_

_I don't know. It was like she didn't think she was good enough. To be with him, or to be friends with them. Sometimes it was like she didn't think she should even know them. I don't understand it at all. I understand that they were good-looking, cause they were. The whole family, it was kinda odd. Like the Doc and his wife only adopted the cute ones, or something. And they have all that money. But Bells isn't like that. She's never judged someone based on looks or how rich they are. It didn't seem like she noticed that at all. She just acted like… I don't know Renee. Like she thought she wasn't good enough to be in their presence. _

_She had them on this pedestal. It was like everything about them was perfect and right. Which meant that everything about her that wasn't like them was wrong and needed to be changed. And that's what she did. Bells had never been like that before. I mean I could understand some things change for a girl as she gets older. But it was like she just… handed herself over to them. She let that boy and Alice just take over her life. Everything about her life. It was like she couldn't be trusted to make good decisions for herself. Or like they knew better so she should just give in and listen to them. And she did. _

_It was… horrible to watch. And Renee, I don't know what I could have done to stop it. I never thought it would be something I would have to think about. Bella has always been so… steady. She has always known what she wants, and who she is. And for the most part her entire life, she's never been afraid to show that to the rest of the world. I feel like it was all my fault. I saw her changing. I could see that they were making her too dependent on them. That something wasn't right. But I just kept my mouth shut. I was so scared of butting in or saying the wrong thing. I did nothing. _

_I don't think I'm ever going to get better at this dad stuff, Renee. _

_Sorry. I didn't mean to bring all that up. It's just that something happened this week. Something changed. I'm not really sure what happened, or even what's going on. But Renee… things are getting better. _

_Friday night I came home from work, and Bells was still in her room. Usually she would have been making dinner and trying to pretend a little bit that everything was fine. I went to check on her, and she was looking into the mirror, laughing. At first I was terrified I thought that something had happened. She was just looking at herself and laughing. Then after a minute she turned and looked at me, and I could see it. Something… I don't know what but something had changed. It was like her soul had come back, or woken up. Her eyes looked different. They looked alive again. When she left to go make dinner I was so happy I almost cried. _

_But then… I was just watching TV, waiting on dinner. I could here her moving around and cooking, then it just got real quiet. I can't explain it, Renee. It was too quiet. Like the silence before a big storm breaks, or something. _

_Then she screamed. I mean screamed! Something about that boy being an asshole. The she threw something through the kitchen window. Scared me half to death. Well the thing about him being an asshole made me laugh, because honestly, it's true. But the screaming and throwing stuff. Kinda freaked me out. _

_I don't know what happened. Or why. We talked a bit. I know. We talked. I try to, you know, tell her stuff and let her tell me stuff. But I always feel so… weird. But we did. We talked. _

_She said she was sorry for how she had fallen apart, and that the whole time she had been "working through it." There was a lot more, but the point is she's back. I mean she still seems a little upset sometimes. But know it's more like she's mad. At them. She's getting better. And Renee, she acts like Bella again. The Bella we knew before them. I've been so happy I would dance if I wouldn't end up with a broken leg. _

_The next day she went out all day. She had left me a note that she was going shopping. _

_Shopping. _

_It was odd, but I thought maybe she just wanted to get out of the house. I mean she's done nothing but go to school and sit in her room for weeks. That night Billy and Jake came over to watch a game. They were there when Bells got home. When she came in it was crazy. She had gotten her hair changed and it looked like she had new clothes. She looked so different._

_Her eyes, Renee. They were back. All lit up. Like before when you could see happiness in her eyes. And with the hair. When she looked at me I almost fell over. _

_It was like looking at a picture. You know those photos of my (too many) great grandmother Isabella? The ones my mom had. She was the one that decided that the Swan would move to Washington. Stories in the family about her were always a little different. You remember hearing them? She was the one who would dream things… and all that weird... stuff. She looked just like her. Bella I mean. It was so crazy. Her hair looked the exact same, and her eyes were glowing and happy again. And she had this.. Thing about her. Like she was… settled again. It blew me away._

_And things just kept getting better all weekend, Renee. Her and Jake hung out while Billy and I watched the game. You know when they were little they were always such close kids. I mean Bella would play with all the kids, but her and Jake they just seemed to gravitate to each other. I know you always thought Billy and I were just trying to matchmaker. But it's not like that. I wish you could have seen it when they were little. You would understand. It was the way they acted around each other. Jake is a good kid. A real good kid. He had it real hard when his mom died, and Billy got hurt. His sisters got away as fast as possible and just left him in control of everything. And he just took all that responsibility. I mean he takes care of Billy, and their house, and he's real good in school, plus he works part time to make extra cash. He's just one of those kids, you know? _

_But even before he had all that responsibility he was always different with Bella. When he would play with his other friends and sisters, he was just a normal kid. You know rough and sometimes mean. Normal. But when Bella was around, he was different. He would look out for her. Like watch after her and try to keep her safe. You know Bells, she can trip over a grain of salt. Jake would always be watching, and I think the boy has our Bells to thank for all his athletic skills. The moment she would stumble that boy would be running for her to keep her from getting hurt. _

_I'm not sure what they talked about, but they spent three hours on the front porch just chatting. It seemed to be something she needed. I don't know if it was talking to Jake or just talking to someone period, but she seemed even happier when she went to bed. She even made plans to go to La Push with me so she could hang out with Jake. Things are getting better. Our daughter seems to be healing. I couldn't be happier. _

_There's more though. _

_When we went to Billy's the next morning her and Jake cooked breakfast for all of us. Billy and I were staying out of their way, just letting get to know each other again, you know? We weren't spying on them or anything, but it smelled like the food was ready and we moved towards the kitchen. It had gotten real quiet. You'll never believe what I saw when I looked into that kitchen! Bells and Jake were kissing. _

_I mean kissing. _

_The kinda kisses I never wanna see my daughter have in person. But it was weird, Renee. It looked like… like it was supposed to be. Like they were always supposed to be together. I know you think my 'vibes' and 'feelings' about things are nonsense, but I had one in that moment. I just felt that they were going to be together. And happy. You can make fun of me if you want, but I know it's true. _

_Bells seems so much better than before. It seems like she's finally putting that boy and his family behind her and getting better. Her whole demeanor has changed. For the better. _

_I'm sure that Bells will email you soon. I'd prefer it if you didn't inform her that I told you all the details of the weekend, I'm sure she'd like to share it with you. But I'm just so glad things are improving, and I felt that you would want the details. _

_Gotta actually do some work now. All the best to you and Phil. _

_Charlie_

I hit send quickly and relaxed back into my chair with a light sigh. It's not like me to talk… er write so much, but Renee has been worrying herself to death. It was getting hard to continue sending the same email to her every week. _No better. Still waking up screaming, not eating well, ignoring everyone and everything. _I know that if I had been in her place, not being close enough to witness and help if possible, I would be going crazy. Not that I've been able to do any good. I don't have the slightest clue how you're supposed to help your daughter when she's had her heart broken. I want nothing more than to find that boy and introduce him to a jail cell and some hancuffs. I understand that he had to move with his family and there wasn't any warning, but whatever he said to her when he left…?

Some nights when she would have nightmares she would scream for him. Not to leave her. That he had promised. That she knew she wasn't good enough. It had both broken my heart and made me furious. Not good enough? My Bella? That boy is an idiot. My girl is to good for the majority of the world. The first time I held her in my arms, I knew. There is **something** amazing and special about my little girl. I knew that she would grow up one day and change the world. Someone's world.

I had gotten the same feeling about Jacob when he was born. There was this sense of… **something** about both of them. I can't put it into words, but it's there. I could hear someone coming through the front door of the station. Probably Mark, back from his route. Getting out of my chair I went to the kitchen and started reheating the coffee. It was getting cold out, I think we will see snow pretty soon. Perhaps we'll have a white Christmas. Bells hates snow, but it would be nice to have for the holidays.

Christmas… I'm not big on celebrating... anything. But I wanna do something special this year. Bella and I are a lot alike, almost too much. I've never been a talker or particularly expressive, and neither is she. It makes it kind of difficult for us though. I have all this love and admiration for my little girl, but sometimes I struggle to show it. I worry at nights that I don't tell or show her my love enough. But there are moments, like when I'll say goodbye in the mornings and she'll tell me to stay safe. In those moments I can tell she knows my love for her, and I can feel hers.

**Ding!**

The sound of the coffee machine breaks my thoughts. After filling my cup I head back to the desk. Yes, I'll talk to Bells tonight about Christmas. Maybe we can include Billy and Jacob. Go pick out a tree, decorate, maybe have a family dinner together. Hmm… presents? Bells isn't fond of receiving gifts. Maybe we could do something small, or draw names? I'll talk to her about it. I'd like us to enjoy the holiday together. All of us. Billy and Jake are as much my family as Bells. Billy's been a brother to me since I was wearing diapers, and Jake is the son I never had. Well, maybe he will be my son one day. A guy can hope. Laughing softly under my breath at my thoughts, I turned to my work.

**Ring. Ring. Ring.**

"Forks Police Department." I balanced the phone on my shoulder as I sat my coffee cup on the desk.

"Chief Sawn?" a woman's voice cracked over the line.

"Yes, can I help you?" Please don't be Mrs. Weathers calling again. Three calls last week. Mrs. Weathers husband had died two years ago and since she seems to be losing touch with reality a bit. She keeps calling and saying that she sees horse-sized wolves running pass her house. I worry about her a bit. She is getting up there in the years, and she's alone. Plus her house is a bit away from others. Set out in the woods down a rather long winding driveway. You can't even see her home from the road.

"Chief Sawn, this is Jennifer Cope, from the school." the woman's voice jerked me back to the present. The school? Bella!

"What happened? Is Bella okay?" I could feel a slight panic forming in my chest. She had been getting better. Had something happened?

"There was an accident in the hallways. Bella is alright, but we need you to come down here, please." I could hear the nervousness in her voice.

"An accident? What happened?" I needed details. Bella's alright. Bells is okay.

"Another student almost fell down the stairs, and apparently Bella saved her. But when she pulled the girl from falling they both fell and it seems Bella hurt her back. We aren't allowed to take her to the doctors without your presence." Her voice wobbled a bit at this. I could tell that she was worried. The regulations and rules about doctoring students and parental permission were murky. Schools nowadays have to be careful. People throw around lawsuits like confetti. "Some other students brought her to the nurses office, and she seemed to be alright, just hurting. But then she seemed to get a bad headache and passed out. The nurse thinks she may have hit her head and have a concussion. We feel she should be taken to the doctor's office."

I had my jacket halfway zipped up before she reached 'passed out'.

"Of course. I'll be right there. Can you call the hospital and tell them the details? I'll take her straight there?" It will save time, and get her taken care of faster. I don't want to have to wait around the school getting the full story before getting my Bells looked after.

"Of course, Chief." I hung up immediately. Grabbing my keys I flew through the building.

**End Chapter Nine**

Okay- so thoughts? I found writing Charlie's POV both easy and difficult. It took a bit for me to get in the right mindset. If it's horrendous, sorry. But I've been a father, or a guy for that matter. This is my practice for future Guy POVs. If this one works out well I'm going to have some Jacob POV's deeper in the story. But if I can't write the guys perspective right, I'm gonna scrap the idea. Thanks to all those who have reviewed. I will have the next chapter out tomorrow. -Merely Observing


	10. Chapter 10

**AN:**Welcome to part of the central plot. This chapter is confusing and odd, but I needed it to be that way. I am well off the canon-wagon at this point. I have been getting wonderful responses and reviews, so thank you all! -Merely Observing

**Chapter Ten**

…_**isabella…**_

_**Isabella…**_

Who is that? That voice? It sounds familiar.

_**Isabella. I know you are confused but I need your attention. **_

Focus? On what? Black, nothing… I could feel my body. Everything was held down. My limbs felt like lead weights.

_**It is alright little one. Open your eyes.**_

There's an elephant sitting on my head. My brain feel like a bowling ball. And this voice wants me to try to open my eyes.

_**It will be okay. Open your eyes little one. The feeling will fade quickly. **_

Right. Trying to force my eyelids to move was difficult. I wanted nothing more than to keep them shut and drift away from the heaviness I felt around me. But the voice continued. Telling me to open my eyes. It was one of the hardest struggles of my life, forcing my eyes to open. A soft light, and blurry images hit my brain. But the heaviness lifted immediately. I brought my hands to my eyes, and tried to rub away the feeling of grit. Taking a moment to calm myself I finally opened my eyes and took in the scene before me.

It was the clearing. From my dream. Exactly as I had seen it that night. I could hear the stream bubbling, feel the humid air moving with a gentle breeze. The gentle smell of nature was everywhere. It was... beautiful, peaceful… _magical._

_**Yes. **_

That voice! I turned around slowly. Not yet sure if I wanted to see the owner of the voice that had been slipping through my thoughts and dreams. Am I dreaming?

_**Yes and no little one. **_

Right. That helps. I finally raised my eyes from my own feet. Pretending to be more brave than I felt; I looked to where the voice was.

"Epp!"

I couldn't help the surprised squeak from leaving my mouth. It was… but how? That's… and all of them…? Fuck, I must have hit my head really hard. What the hell is going on?

_**Calm little one. We will explain. We have been waiting for you. **_

Amazingly I did as the voice said and calmed. It was almost like Jasper's power. The voice. I could feel my heart slowing, my tension leaving. But the surprise and confusion were still there. In front of me stood five women. I recognized each of them immediately. How could I not. They each had the same brown eyes. They were all the same height. They all shared the same brown, slightly wavy hair.

Just like me.

They were my family.

My grandmother Marie was the only one I had ever meet in person, but I recognized the others from photos, paintings, and stories. The Swan Women. Directly in front of me was my many great-grandmother Isabella. Whom I had been named after. I could now see why more clearly. We could have been twins. I meet brown eyes identical to my own. My new hair style was exactly like hers. Our features were the same. Down the small freckle to the left of our bottom lips. What in the world?

_**Calm little one. We will explain all. **_

Again peace washed over my body, just as she said. It was her. The voice I had been hearing. It was Isabella. To her left stood my grandmother Marie, beside her was her grandmother Ellen. To the right of Isabella was Ellen's grandmother Nancy, and beside Nancy stood her sister Mary. They were the Swan Women.

There had always been stories and family history passed down through of my father's family. Family history, interesting facts, and stories that grew to become family legends. The reason ever Swan girl stayed a Swan her whole life. Swan Women did not take their husband's name. The Swan family was matriarchal. Always.

I could remember sitting on grandmother Marie's lap as a little girl. She would show me the paintings and photos of the Swam Women. The were always referred to that way. The Women who had shaped our family line. I had always loved hearing the tales and reading the books of the history I was born into.

It had been the legends, the tales, the stories, the journals of and about these Women that had intrigued me the most. Isabella was always were the stories and our history began. Little was known or spoken about her early life. The story of Isabella had always started at the same place. The place her diary had started.

Two years after being married Isabella had fallen asleep one night and had a dream. She dreamed of herself. She was with child and walking through a beautiful forest. Her written word had spoken of the tranquility of the forest. How the trees seemed to shelter and protect. How gentle breezes would tease her hair as the passed her by. In her dream she was walking through the forest, her hands gently cradling her stomach were her unborn daughter grew.

Before her appeared a man. He was tall and his skin glowed unlike any she had seen before; darker, more like the earth. His eyes had been like the night sky. He was an intimidating man. But she felt no fear. She wrote that the man and her had conversed in her dream. He had told her of his people, their ways, their traditions, and in the end he had told her of a Secret. The Secret was given to her because she could travel _there _he had said. She was deemed worthy. The spirits themselves had shown she would be important.

The Secret was never written in her diary. No one knew what it had been, and a common topic of discussion in the family were guesses as to what it could have been.

When Isabella awoke from her dream, she felt the urge to write it down. And that was were her diary began. For the next fortnight she continued to dream. After that first night she never again dreamed of the man. Her dreams instead showed life.

Changing, continuing, growing, until the One.

She had written of seeing her and the daughter she would have travel to the man's land and building a home, a life. She saw her daughter continuing that life there with another daughter, and on it continued. Isabella saw daughter after daughter being born from her. Glimpses of the sons would occasionally flicker through her dreams, but they were not the focus. It would be the daughters of Isabella Swan that were tied to the man's land and his Secret.

The most important dream she wrote of was of the One. The daughter that all were waiting and hoping for. The One would be the sum of the whole. Gifts from each daughter would cumulate with the One. The One would unite the Secret. The truth would be found.

The morning after her the important dream Isabella had written of her decision. She had the first choice. She could follow the path her dreams had shown her and start the journey for her family, or she could ignore the dreams. When she woke that morning she could feel **it**.

"_It was the hand of fate. The spinning wheel of destiny. The weaver of life. Allowing me the chance to allow her plan to be borne, or to abandon the path she wished. I could feel the power surrounding me. Reminiscent of a mother's hug. Gently enfolding me. A small presence, as if a hand was there, gently laid upon my middle. In that moment I knew, the daughter of my dream was forming. I was carrying her at that moment. The realization of her life made the decision for me. I would do as destiny beckoned." _

With her decision made, Isabella had left. There was no mention of her husband. She never wrote were she was leaving from. It was a mystery that many were curious about. It would have been unheard of for a woman to travel alone in the time period. Yet she had. She traveled until she found the land from her dream. Her diary documented her travels, the hardships she faced both as a woman and as an expectant mother. But nightly she would dream. She wrote that in her dreams she could feel the same **presence**, and she knew that she was being helped. The dreams safely lead her to the destination.

A quiet and unspoiled wilderness. There were few people when she arrived. It was a small and close community. The community had made peace with the rightful dwellers of the area, a tribe. Together, side by side, the two communities lived and grew in harmony. The community welcomed Isabella immediately, believing she was a young widower they quickly helped her settle in the area and provided her with a home and support. The tribe that had allowed the community to live there came to welcome her.

She wrote that the moment she saw the tribe people walking towards her, her daughter had given a jump in her womb. It was the man, from her dream. The moment their eyes meet she again could feel the **presence**. Wrapping around both her, her unborn child, and the tribal leader. There was recognition in his eyes. With a gentle look in his eyes he had welcomed her and to the confusion of the community, thanked her. She felt she had made the right decision.

_**It was the right decision, little one. My first daughter was born the night of that meeting. **_

At this Nancy took small step forward. She directed a gentle smile at me and a nod. My confusion was growing. I don't understand? Where am I? Is this a dream?

_**This is not a dream and yet it is a dream. **_

Right. Clear as mud. Thanks for that. All the Women chuckled slightly. It was then I realized that I hadn't actually spoken the entire time. They weren't speaking either. But I could here her voice, obviously she was hearing my thoughts. I don't understand what's going on! Frustration was building in me. This isn't normal.

_**Not for most it is not. But for us, little one, it is. There is much to tell and more for you to understand. I do not wish to cause you anger or strife little one, but there is much you need to know and understand. The time is almost upon us.**_

Time? Time for what? And why can I hear you in my head? How are you hearing my thoughts? The questions couldn't be stopped. I needed to understand something. Why am I seeing you? How is this sort of a dream but not really? Please! I need to understand what's going on.

_**This is not a dream. We have left the earth, therefore to connect with you, to lead you, our only option has become spirit travel. We are being allowed the chance to meet with you. To explain. To help you prepare. **_

Okay… what are you supposed to explain? I could focus on that. I needed that. An explanation. Why are the legendary Women speaking to me in my head.

_**The time has arrived. You have arrived. From my first dream to this moment you have been waited for. We are appearing to you and speaking with you to teach. To tell you. You know the stories. You have read the books of our lives we left behind for you, little one. **_

Yes, I had read the diaries and journals these women had left behind. Each of them had written a journal of their lives. The stories had been fascinating.

Isabella the dreamer. Her nightly visions would show her the path to be traveled.

Nancy and Mary the feelers. Able to feel and know the truth.

Ellen the mover. Nothing could hinder her force and determination.

Marie the hearer. Who could hear and understand the depth of thought.

_**Yes. We wrote the truth of our lives, the truth behind our truth. The legacy we would pass down. To you, little one. The One. **_

The One?

THE ONE! I don't understand. Do you mean I am the One? The daughter that would unite… and the Secret… and culminate?

_**Yes, Isabella Marie. The One. The seventh daughter. Destinies hand-maiden. You are the One. **_

Before the denial could form in my mind, I felt **it**. Something.

Happiness, love, joy, amazement, bliss, caring, kindness, passion… it went on and on. Every positive emotion possible. **It **was the emotion. This **presence**. I could feel **it **around me. Comforting me and my thoughts.

I understood.

The One.

I am the One.

The revelation was staggering. The One was like an angel, Santa, and Wonder Woman in the families opinion. Every Swan knew of the One. The stories were passed from parent to child. The books handed down. Every Swan was taught the history. Even those that viewed the stories as fantastical tales and amusing fiction, held respect for the history. The One was spoken of with whispers, adoration, and wonder.

And I, Isabella "Bella" Marie Swan klutz extraordinaire, was the one.

Right.

As the thought passed from my head I felt a stabbing pain at my temple again.

_**Worry not, little one. You now know the truth. We will speak again. You must be prepared, the time is upon us. You gifts are already growing.**_

Wait, what? Gifts?

Before a reply was given I felt my eyes blinking.

A harsh smell was invading my senses. Scrunching my nose I started to sit up to move away from the disgusting smell.

"Miss Swan. Welcome Back. How are you feeling?" An arm wrapped around my shoulders helping me sit up in a bed, ouch. Hospital bed. Dr. Gerandy was standing to my side placing what looked like smelling salts into his coat pocket.

"Um…" Confusion and bewilderment were the only emotions I could feel at the moment. Why was I at the hospital?

"That was a nasty bump you got." The doctor's hands prodded the back of my head.

"Oww!" That hurt. Bump? How had I gotten a bump? My confusion must have been apparent.

"Do you remember falling at school? I was told that you kept a girl from falling backwards down the stairs and the both of you fell. It seems you have a concussion and a few busied ribs." His voice was patient and kind. That's right.

Lauren.

The stairs.

Choice.

Dream not a dream.

The One.

Oh and a big fucking headache.

Wonderful.

I fucking hate Mondays.

**Chapter Ten End**

AN: So thoughts? My husband is beyond confused with my story, but then again he also has no clue who Charlie is, so I don't think that counts. Next chapter Friday of the next.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:**New chapter. I was thinking as I wrote ath if I put as much effort into writing my fics as I do into reading other's fics... yeah I'd be a badass. But I don't, sorry, I'm a reader first. So new chapter, where things are getting more interesting, or confusing... I'm screwing with the timeline and all that jazz quite freely.. but hey it's fanfiction. It's kind of the point. I have gotten some great reviews and wanted to give a quick thank you to some people who have been leaving me multiple reviews, because that's awesome and therefore they are awesome.

Multiple Sarcasms

Candice White

xxCrimexObsessedxPrincessxx

wanna-be-jacobs-love

Thanks! And thanks to all the others who have reviewed! So on with the story.

**Chapter Eleven**

The front door slammed into the wall as I pushed my way into the house. My frustration and anger were seeping away at my usual calm. I don't understand what is going on! Everything has gotten so confusing lately. I stomped towards my bedroom and tossed my bag violently through the door. I just needed to vent or rant or maybe punch something. I'm just so fed up with everything. The looks, the secrets, the whispering, and most of all the questions.

I have to get out of the house.

My feet carried to me First Beach without being told where to go. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to go somewhere I could let go of my frustration without worry. I needed sometime to think, to just… clear my head.

I don't know when it started. Or maybe I do. Life changes. Moves on. That's a part of it. I'm good with rolling with the punches. I've always thought I'm a pretty relaxed guy. I know I've had to deal with some shitty stuff in my life, but at the same time I've always been thankful and glad. Glad to have the family I do. Thankful I got the time with my mom that I did. Thankful that my dad pulled through. Glad to be me. Responsibilities, expectations, and all. I like my life. I like myself.

My dad is great. Our relationship is so easy. Always has been. We are both relaxed and simple guys. Content to go about our lives. The accident could have really changed my dad. He lost his wife, and the ability to walk. But he just picked himself up and continued living. Being confined to a wheelchair changed little for him. He was still Billy Black, tribal elder. He carried the legacy passed through our family proudly. He instilled values and pride in my heritage to me at a young age. Some days… I don't know that I'll ever be able to lead the way he can. Most times my dad is just my dad. Joking around, teasing me mercilessly, spending time with his friends, watching sports, fishing, and just being a normal guy.

But there are other times. Like when I got to attend a tribal council meeting… there's just this air about him. It's like he becomes more. I can't explain it, but I know others see and feel it.

That same air, same feeling… I feel it often. During celebrations, when I hear some of the tribal legends. And lately when Sam Uley and his cult are around. I think I'm losing my mind. With my dad and the legends, I always it was simple a sense of wonder and pride… that I was feeling the history.. I don't know. Something that could be explained, or maybe it was my own childish imagination.

But… this Uley thing. I don't understand it. He's just another guy. living on the reservation. Of course his grandfather had been an elder and council member, but he was still just another guy. He's a couple of years older than me so we never really talked. But then one day he just goes missing. For weeks. Then just as suddenly he comes back.

I could see it. I could feel it. Something had changed. He had changed. There were obvious physical changes, but that wasn't what confused me. It was just… a presence. I don't know!

But then the council is suddenly bowing to him, like he's the chief of our tribe. Then all the crap with two others joining his little group. Calling themselves the Protectors. Right, Protectors. Like from the legends I guess. How ridiculous. I respect our legends and the stories of my people, but seriously.

I imagine sometimes running up to one of them with a piece of silver, just you know…

It'd be funny.

All of that was freaking weird. But not that big of a deal. I don't really care what is going on with Uley and his disciples. Then…

Bella came back.

I saw a bleached piece of driftwood ahead. Taking a seat I let my eyes drift over the beach and gaze out into the water.

Bella.

As far back as I can remember she has been part of my life. I would see her only sporadically, usually during the summers when she would come stay with Charlie. But every time she came… it was just like the other half of my soul was back. There is just _something_ about her. It sounds so cheesy, even just in my head. But when I'm around her there is just a feeling of being complete. I would go months and months without seeing her, and then she would be here for the summer. Instantly, like the missing piece of the puzzle that made me was complete.

I have really good, close friends on the reservation that I've known since birth as well, but it's different with them. It's just a… feeling. Natural. Like breathing. Being with Bells just feels right. I think I've always had a crush on her. I mean, how could I not. She's the most fascinating person I've ever known. She can't walk on a flat surface. She get embarrassed way too easily. She invents new colors of blush daily. She has the most amazing eyes. She cares about everyone. Her heart is warm and open. She tries so hard to help everyone. Puts all others before herself. But there this undercurrent she has…

Ugg. It's so hard to put into words. I just… feel it. There has always been something special about Bells.

Looking to the sky I felt more of my earlier frustration bleeding away. Thinking about Bells always makes me happier. I was so excited when Charlie told us she was moving here. Finally. I would be able to spend more time with her. Get to be a bigger part of her life. I had thought that maybe… she would like me the way I liked her. I was so hopeful.

Immediately after she arrived she somehow got attached to the Cullen family. I never gave the 'supposed' enemies of my tribe any thought. The fact that they were ostracized because of ancient legends and tall tells just seemed silly to me. Although when Bella and I went for our little walk that day, I couldn't help but try to scare her. A part of me wanted her to dislike them, to avoid them. It's hard to admit even in my own head. But I didn't want her to be with anyone else. Anyone other than me.

For all of my dad's warnings and sending me on that stupid mission to share the message, I had seen them together. I don't know the guy. But I could see he truly cared for Bells. And the love she radiated… as much as it stung that it wasn't directed at me… I would rather Bella be happy above all else.

They had seemed happy. I decided to not let my feelings ruin any part of Bella's happiness. I would never show her that I was jealous. That all I wanted was to be the one escorting her to prom.

Although, honestly I have no idea how he got her to prom. Bella hates shit like that. I think instead of prom I would have taken her for a quiet beach picnic or something along those lines.

But I wouldn't interfere. If Bells was happy, then I would be happy for her.

For all my resolve, I couldn't keep myself from.. I don't know waiting in the wings. I would keep our friendship no matter what. But if there was ever a chance, a moment, I would have gladly taken it.

And suddenly there was. He left her. I don't know the details, but I heard enough from my dad to get a picture. The family had to leave suddenly, and from the way Charlie said Bella acted after they left, he hadn't let her down easily. It seemed like instead he had crushed her spirit, and fled.

When Billy came home that night, after he had abandoned her alone in the woods… I had been furious. For the first time I had given into the almost instinctual hate and anger that everyone else seemed to feel for the Cullens. In that moment if he had been anywhere near me… I would have lost it.

Bella had been hurt so bad. It was horrible to see. I went over the next day, but she was just… empty. It hurt to see her like that. Dead to the world. She didn't even register I was there, that anyone was there. She was empty. It had been miserable. It killed me seeing her like that, but I had no idea how to help her. But I knew the truth… you can't help someone until they want help. I could have attempted to drag her from her misery kicking and screaming, but… doing so would have made me her crutch. And as willing as I am to be the one Bells leans on… it wouldn't have been right.

She had to want to get better on her own. So I stood back. Watching her struggle to keep living. Watching Charlie suffer trying to take care of his little girl. It had been hard. Keeping myself from trying to _fix_ things had been a task. It's my nature I think. I see a problem, I want to take care of it.

The whole time Bella was drowning in sadness, the Sam issue was getting more ridiculous. The random visits and questions picked up, but not just with me. Embry, Quil, and I were all confused by his interest. The constant stares. And the questions had just been absurd, but we mostly just laughed it all off. He's a weird guy, and none of us wanted anything to do with him or his little group. At least that's what we all said.

Embry.

Just thinking about him makes me so angry. I don't understand what the hell is going on. One day we were all in the garage laughing and hanging out, making fun of the _Protectors_. And the next day Em was just… gone.

Not in a physical sense, he was still around. Just not with us. It was like Quil and I had become invisible. He was completely avoiding us, and then… he was running around with Sam.

It felt like betrayal. He turned his back on us… his friend's since diapers… suddenly Sam was his boss or something.

It was pissing me off!

Quil didn't understand it any more than me. I didn't know what to do. I tired to talk to dad but he kept feeding me bullshit about "one day you'll understand, son."

No fucking help.

The situation with Embry and Sam and all the bullshit was driving me insane. When Em would ignore me in school my blood would boil. I just wanted to snap him out of whatever it was, and have things go back to normal.

The day I thought I was going to completely loose my cool… Charlie called.

Something had happened. Something good. It seemed Bella was coming back. I didn't care about the details he was sharing with Billy, I was too happy. Bella was getting better.

Finally!

I was so excited I had to join them the next night. I wanted to see her for myself. See if it was true.

God, I hoped it was.

She wasn't there when we got to Charlie's. Apparently to everyone's confusion she had gone shopping. Ha… Shopping and Bella are two ideas that don't go together often. She loathes shopping. I was so anxious waiting for her to come home. I couldn't wait to see her. In my heart I was praying that she would be back.

The real Bella. The Bella I had known my entire life.

The moment I saw her… the world stopped. I can't explain it. It was like my eyes were opening for the first time. She was back.

Bella.

My Bella.

And just like that… we were back. Just like breathing, we feel back into sync. It was like nature was back in order… the world realigned. All was how it was supposed to be.

I'm still not sure exactly what happened that night, but _something_ did. I hadn't really paid any attention to the changes I'd been through since she really saw me last. I mean I knew I was growing, okay absurdly growing, but lots of guys on the reservation seemed to have rather sudden and large growth spurts. I think it's just a hereditary thing.

But that night… when she saw me… I was very glad that I had grown up.

In her eyes… for the first time, I felt… I can't explain it. She was no longer Bella the girl I had a crush on my entire life. She was… more… everything. She was a woman. I know it sounds childish… but I knew, know… one day she will be mine.

My Bella.

Her eyes reflected similar thoughts. She saw me! As a man. The attraction was clear, but like everything with Bella… she sees below the surface. There was attraction yes, but also appreciation for me the person. Not just my looks. It was there for her too. The pull, the draw. It was undeniable.

We are meant to be.

I could have floated home that night for all the attention I was paying.

There's this feeling… when everything just lines up perfectly. When you realize you are exactly where you are supposed to be. I was finally where I was supposed to be.

The next morning I barely slept past six am. The anticipation of seeing Bells again roused me from slumber. Dad sent me out to the porch because my bouncing was driving him mad. Then she was there. Every time I see her… the earth pauses.

Damn. I'm turning into such a loser.

Yet, I don't care. There are some truths that can't be ignored. One of those truths for me is Bella.

Somehow between making breakfast and joking around… we kissed.

I kissed Bella.

Bella kissed me.

The attraction was there for both of us… and I just had to play with it. I wanted her to come to terms with it, to accept us. The way it should have been all along. When I found her eyes lingering over me… checking me out… I couldn't stop myself.

The moment I had her in my arms… I would never let her go. Nothing could ever make me separate from Bella. She was my moon and stars. Everything would be for her.

The hottest moment of my life, was quickly followed by the funniest moment. The exploding jar of jelly had just added to my joy. I know… I'm weird. Sitting at the table with Bells and our dads was just… perfection.

I know Bella. I can read her like a book. Through breakfast I could see she was getting nervous, mostly from our dad's teasing and taunting about us together. There's no way they didn't see us kiss. Worse than two old biddies, they are. I'm convinced they were hiding around the corner watching and plotting the entire time we were in the kitchen.

She was going to need time, I could see that this was feeling very sudden for her. Especially after the shit she had been going through. But that's fine. I'm patient, and I know she can feel the truth of us together. I had been preparing to give her an easy out… when we sat down to talk.

But I couldn't.

I just had to be honest. No miscommunications, no holding back. I want this, Bella and I. So I laid it all out. Told her how I felt, what I hoped.

Laying myself out like that had been hard. She had the ability to crush my soul with one word or gesture… but somehow I knew. It would never happen.

And it didn't. We are… well I have no idea. We are together. That's all that matters to me.

The clouds overhead had been rolling in as I lost myself in thought. I could feel the storm building. Dusting sand off my clothes I headed back home feeling much calmer than earlier.

Today had just put me in a mood. I don't know why, I had been in a damn good mood when I woke up. Almost immediately after arriving at school… I had just gotten… irritated and annoyed. All day it seemed to get worse. Something wasn't right. A feeling in my bones. Just… _something_. Then after school Embry had just walked passed Quil and I without a second glance, taking off with Jared. Another of Sam's little boys.

I'd had enough.

As I stepped onto the porch the first rumble of thunder echoed across the sky. This storm was going to be good. Maybe I'll do my homework on the porch, I love a good thunderstorm.

"Dad! I'm home. What do'ya want for supper?" Making my way to the kitchen I hollered. Hunger just never seemed to leave me these days. I think it's all the growing. I could hear dad's wheels turning into the kitchen. "I'm thinking spaghetti."

I looked over at my dad, expecting a grin and nod. He loves spaghetti. But his face was set in a grimace.

"Supper's going to have to wait, son. Bella fell at school and got hurt today." I could her the worry in his voice.

"What? Let's go." There was no time to think, or decision to be made. Bella was hurt, I needed to be there. "Come on. Tell me what happened on the way."

Without giving him a chance to answer I started pushing him out of the house. My nerves were frantic. Stretching to the breaking point. My arms were shaking as I tried to quickly push my dad faster.

I had to hurry. What is she needed me. How bad was she hurt? Last year she fell down steps and through a window. Dad seems worried. Is it worse.

Oh God! Bells.

The shaking spread as my thoughts spun. My dad turned to look at me, I could see him vibrating in his chair from my convulsions. His mouth was moving… but I couldn't hear the words. A roar was rushing through my ears, through my head. Pricks of sharp pain sparked all over my body, making me jerk away from my dad. It was a steady thrum of agony. Millions of needles being pushed into my skin, everywhere, over and over again.

I felt my body crumbling towards the ground. Oh god! What the hell!

I gripped my head with both hands trying to squeeze the pain away. I felt rather than heard my own groan of pain. Building in my chest, moving up my throat, and flying from my mouth. The pain was unrelenting. Growing. Getting bigger. My whole body was on fire. My skin was being pulled off strip by strip. The rush of noise in my head was getting louder.

**Torture. **

**Agony. **

The moment seemed to freeze. I disconnected from my body. I could vaguely feel the pain. The noise was muffled and distant. I could see the thunderstorm was about to break over head. Dad was rolling away from me, yelling for Sam. What?

And the moment broke. A snap of sound and **pain**. For a second the entire world reversed, turned upside down, and went backwards.

The pain lifted, and I opened my eyes. Shock slammed through my body.

What the fuck?

Everything was… wrong. Everything looked different. The colors were muted. Dad was in front of me looking at me… with pride?

What the Fuck?

Smells… everywhere, everything… endless smells. Each scent that hit my nose… I knew instantly what it was, were it was coming from.

What the FUCK?

Noise… so loud. I could hear the thunder behind the clouds, people in there homes down the street, someone walking from the forest.

"So, it has finally happened." Sam Uley spoke as he walked towards me. The fact that I was still laying on the ground like a baby flashed through my thoughts. An instinctual need to show this one no weakness. To stand tall, show him who I am hit me. I rose fluidly on all four limbs, easily towering over both Uley and my dad.

Wait. Four limbs?

Looking down… my entire world again shifted. I had paws.

I have paws.

Sam's voice broke me from my haze of confusion. "Welcome Jacob Black, Son of Billy. The protectors are honored to have you join us." There was a calm pride in his voice, but below that I could hear something else… excitement.

Suddenly, in a flash of shredding colors and fabric another wolf stood before me. Slightly shorter, with fur as black as night.

Protectors? 

"I know how confused you must be," humor was leaking into Sam's thoughts "I thought I was going insane. It's not everyday that you suddenly turn into a horse-sized wolf, and learn that all those legends you thought were fun and interesting stories are true."

No shit! Wait, the legends. I'm a huge wolf. Like the stories said. Does that mean…? The Cullens really were cold ones? Like Vampires? No shit?

_**Yes.**_

A soft feminine voice laced with amusement answered my question, causing me to jump in surprise.

WHAT THE FUCK! I hear… voices in my head. What the fuck!

Sam amusement grew with my jump.

"Do not be alarmed. When the Protector's are in wolf form we can share thoughts. The voice you hear in you head is mine. And when phased your brothers." Sam's explanation was soothing.

For about five seconds.

Wait. Brothers. You said brothers. Then who the hell was the chick?

"What? You should be hearing only my thoughts at the moment. The others are not phased. It can be confusing if you are introduced to too many minds at first."

_**Jake… I don't think he can hear me. I can hear you and him through you, but… **_

Holy shit. Holy Shit. HOLY SHIT! Bella!

_**Um.. Yeah.**_

"Bella? Bella Swan?" I could hear Sam considering my sanity. The paths and trails his thoughts were following. Everything, every thought of his was bare before my mind. No secrets, no hiding. Everything.

Without thought, I latched onto his mind, I could feel the presence in my head that was Bella joining me. There was no plan, no decision. It was instinct. Our joined psyches seamlessly moved through Sam's memories.

Understanding of the legends, the process of phasing, the pack mind, knowledge of how to be the wolf, to protect with the wolf… it flowed. All the knowledge Sam held was know mine.

And Bella's.

_**Yes. I don't know… there's something… it's… Damnit! Look, we need to talk. Just… I can block Sam from hearing you and I. I'm not sure why we are connected**_ _**but… I think I know how to find out. Trust me, this isn't the first really weird thing that has happened to me today…**_

Okay… apparently I can turn into a large wolf on whim, somehow we have a Vulcan mind-meld…and neither of these things are the weirdest things that have happened to you… today. 

_**It's been a very long, very strange day. Look, I'm under doctor's order's to stay home for the next two days.**_

Shit! That's right. I was coming over to see you when all this… happened. Are you okay? What happened?

_**I'm alright. Have a concussion and some bruised ribs. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. I'm exhausted and the pain pills are dragging me under. Can you… skip school tomorrow. Charlie will be okay with it, you can 'look after me' while he's at work, and we'll be able to talk. **_

Sure, Sure. Sounds good. I'll have dad call Charlie and set it up. I'll be over in the morning. Sleep well, hun.

_**Thanks. Night Jake.**_

I could feel Bella's gentle presence drift from my mind. The wall that had been blocking Sam from hearing us and us from hearing him left with her. He was confused why he couldn't hear my mind. The other's every thought was transmitted to the pack mind.

Look, Sam. I get it now. The Protector's thing and all that. But there's something else. I don't know what it is yet. 

"What were you saying about Bella, before?" I could hear him trying to understand the puzzle I seemed to be.

I don't know everything yet, but.. Bella and I are linked or something. I could hear her and she could hear me, and through me, you. At that a flash or alarm ran through Sam. There's something more going on, I'm going to her house tomorrow so we can figure it out. 

I could hear the denial forming in his thoughts. He didn't trust Bella. She had been with a cold one. A Cullen. She couldn't know the tribe's secrets. She was not to be trusted. I would be ordered to stay away from her. Sam's decision to use the alpha command to keep me away from Bella wasn't even fully realized before I was charging him.

He had no time to react. There was no dodging. I was larger, stronger. Better. This was part of me. My body and mind knew instantly how to act. It took less than ten seconds to have him pinned beneath me with my teeth locked around his throat.

You may be alpha because you phased first, but a Black does not answer to a Uley. I Am rightful alpha, you hold no sway over my thoughts of decision. The fury at his presumption to order me around was lessening. He was understanding. I would not be curtailed like a pup. I have no wish to lead the pack at this time. I have seen your leadership, you are a good alpha. I can not be hindered by you. You cannot implement your will upon me. It will not happen. 

"I understand." The tension in Sam's body eased and he fully relaxed submitting to my rightful claim. I released his neck and sat back.

No Sam. You will lead the pack for now. I need to understand the situation with Bella. I can feel it. There is more going on with this. I will keep you informed. You _are _my brother, as are the others.. But she… 

"She is your imprint. I can feel it. The line that connects you to her. Like the line that connects me to Emily. You haven't even seen her yet.. But I can feel the bond." Sam's amazement was overflowing with his realization.

My imprint? I ran through the new, stolen wolf information in my head. Imprint… yes… it does feel similar to Sam's experience… but also different. Just more to talk about tomorrow.

Right. I'm off. I'll talk to you tomorrow night. After Sam's agreement I swiftly phased and headed for the house. I was completely soaked from the storm, and also completely naked. After an extremely brief explanation to Billy about the situation he went to call Charlie to set up my 'visit' for tomorrow. I went straight for my room. The heat my body was giving off drying me faster than any towel could. Heading straight for the bed, I allowed my body to collapse.

I'll think about it tomorrow.

This day…

I fucking hate Mondays.

**Chapter Eleven End**

An: Fun right? More next Friday.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN:** Hello all! Another chapter... this chapter gave me serious issues... I know how I want things to play out... but getting the explanations right, and still building the plot... well let's just say it has been annoying! But it's done, for better or suck. Thank you to those who left some very nice and encouraging reviews! Everytime I get a review I have an urge to dive into writing.

On with the story. Enjoy!

**Chapter Twelve**

I opened my eyes to soft light drifting around the edges of my curtains. Flexing my body to stretch out a sharp pain from my ribs reminded me of the previous day. Had all of that really happened? Closing my eyes I reviewed the previous day.

I am The One.

I no longer just know about the supernatural, but I am part of it. My ancestors said that my powers are already growing. Looking over the last few days I can see now what they meant. Like Isabella I have always had dreams… odd dreams. But many times the seemed slightly prophetic… like premonitions I guess… right. No use denying it. My own ability to overlook or disregard obvious and strange things about myself is slightly annoying in hindsight.

When I first saw Edward and the Cullens I often had dreams… mostly about Edward. Vaguely the memory of the dream I had the night Jacob told me of the legends crossed my mind. Edward and Jacob had both been in that dream… then the wolf had shown up… I can't remember the rest. Ugh.

Then the last few days… I kept noticing how others were feeling… nothing as obvious as Jasper's gift. But.. I had just thought that coming out of my haze of misery had made me more… observant of others… and their feelings. It had been subtle, though. Like knowing that Charlie had been alarmed when I was laughing at myself in the mirror, or amused at my kitchen rant, Lauren's hatred… I don't know.

The One is supposed to be the culmination of the Swan Women's gifts… so like Isabella I have dreams… like Nancy and Mary I'm… slightly empathic? I don't know… but it feels right. I guess that means like Ellen I have some type of telekinesis.

I guess that's possible… there have been weird things happening the last few days… the kitchen window, Jacob's shirt, the jar of jelly, the lockers at school. Reviewing the incidents in my thoughts I could see a pattern, I had gotten extremely emotional and starting shaking… then BAM! Right, well that could be a problem. Anger had caused the kitchen window to shatter and the lockers. And I guess… passion and lust had caused Jacob's shirt and the jelly. I have to get that under control… I'd never forgive myself if I hurt someone.

Plus I don't think I fancy having interruptions via explosions every time I kiss Jacob.

Jacob.

Last night. I had finally gotten settled comfortably in bed, and after making sure I had taken the pain pills Charlie had chilled out enough to leave me alone. I had been drifting closer to slumber when I had felt… a tug. It had been like a gentle pull on my mind. Without even thinking about it I had given into the sensation, and next think I know… I was hearing Jacob's thoughts. Maybe that's from Grandmother Marie... there were times when it felt like she could see completely through a lie. Like she knew what you were really thinking. Like Edward... a mind reader.

But… it wasn't just that. It was like Jacob and I were sharing a brain, I could see everything he saw, hear what he heard, and then he noticed his body. The moment paws registered in my thoughts… I just knew. It was so obvious… the tribe Isabella had meet when she arrived in this town. The Secret she had been told in the dreams. The fact that The One would connect the Swan Women, the Secret, and the Tribe.

The legends of the wolves, the Protectors. It wasn't a legend. It was true. It was their Secret. Some part of my mind had known… the dream I had with my own Protector in the clearing, the wolf that made me feel safe. Those eyes that had looked so familiar. They were Jacob's. He was a Protector. And last night was his first phase.

Phase.

It had been… instinctual. I can't describe it even in my own thoughts. Once Jacob and I had connected I just.. _understood_. I would be able to tap into his thoughts, and through his mind I would also see the other wolves thoughts. But not Jacob's. His thoughts were not open for the others. It was important. I knew that I was the one… blocking his thoughts, protecting Sam from seeing his mind. For some reason, it just felt important. Sam wasn't supposed to be apart of our mind. Our bond.

Bond.

Yes… there is some kind of bond between Jacob and I. I just don't understand it yet.

Then… we could hear Sam and his thoughts about the wolf. Without conversation we seemed to understand… we needed knowledge. There was more to the Protectors than the legends stated, and Sam knew more than we did at the point. We needed the information, so we just… got it.

It had been a strange feeling. Our thoughts had been in perfect sync as we drifted through Sam's memories and gathered the knowledge he had of the wolf. Then just as easily we had pulled free from Sam and retreated back to the safety of our… bubble. Then we were again two separate people.

But when we had been completely joined in thought.. It had felt… right. Ugh. Everything is so confusing, and at the same time it is more clear than ever. It's like I had always known this was going to happen, and all the information needed to understand the situation had been in my head all along. And now that it was finally happening… the information was piece by piece being freed and opened to me. I think I should be a bit more weirded out than I am, but honestly… I do good with weird.

Obviously.

I could feel the pain in my ribs throbbing with every beat of my heart. I would need to take another pain pill, and seriously… I want a shower. Jacob will be here soon. In the back of my mind it was like there's a warm… spot that is Jacob. I can feel that we are still connected. Yes, we are connected, but more than that we always will be… and it's going to grow. The knowledge drifted over my thoughts. Ugh. How is this possible? You don't just wake up one morning and _know_ things. Well… I guess most people wouldn't, but then again I am The One, and am somehow bound to a man/wolf… this is all so confusing. I could really use some solid answers and explanations.

_**This is our gift to The One. **_

Isabella. The Swan Women.

What do you mean your gift? And why are you in my head in the first place? I get that I'm some how the special prophesized daughter of you, but... I'm just so confused.

_**I apologize, little one. Things are moving more quickly than even we imagined. **_

What things?

_**Patience my little one. There is much to explain, and our time is limited. While we have been gifted the chance to share the knowledge with you, we have not been given long to do so. **_

Okay. I'm all kinds of ready for some understanding.

_**When the dreams were sent to me I saw that I had two choices, I could follow one path that would lead to you… or I could stay on the path I was walking an live a simple, easy life before passing on like all others. If I had stayed I would never have known the love for a daughter. I would have lived a very simple and content life, but I would never have had a child. The other path however would give me not just a child to love, but generations of children to watch over. **_

_**One of those children would by tied to the man from my dreams tribe, a Protector. Together my child, The One, and the Protector would not only know amazing joy and love, but united they would be able to correct the wrong that evil had caused their tribe. The sons of the tribe have had to suffer without choice because of one's evil, but when the true leader of the Protectors and The One join, they will be able to change it. **_

_**Like I was given a choice, all my daughters were as well. Sometimes those choices were as simple as my own, to follow one path or another, but there were times when the gift being granted carried a heavier burden. The gift could be used for both good or evil. I saw that there would be some that would make a choice that would cause hurt, pain, and suffering. I wished beyond all that those gifts would not be realized, that none of my kin would bring wrong to this world. **_

_**And somehow my wish was granted. With each daughter when their power began to develop they were faced with a choice… one choice enveloped the desire to do good often without appreciation or acknowledgement. The other choice would reap vengeance. Only those who choose a path of good… their powers would continue to grow as they would grow. The others… because of their unworthy desires… lost their heritage. **_

_**You, my little one, made your choice. You choose to be a force of good in this world. Without knowing how you would accomplish this… your urge to help has been seen, and you have been judged as worthy. The seventh daughter of my line, you are The One. Your choice has opened your powers to you. Our gift to you, daughter is our knowledge of our gifts and the understanding we were gifted with. **_

_**Our knowledge has been freed into your thoughts… that is why you understand without knowing. This is our gift to you. We will not be able to lead and guide you, for your path is to be walked only with your Protector, but we hoped to save you as much pain, confusion, and heartache as possible. Without our knowledge you would have pushed away your Protector… hurting you both… and you would have drifted from the true path of your life… with the Cold Ones.**_

The information was soothing to my mind as I understood now, but the mention of Cold Ones… Cullens… jerked me from my state of quiet listening. What do you mean? The Cold Ones left me… our paths are no longer the same. Yes… they were gone. While I missed them the turmoil from their leaving was no longer present. Rather I held to the fond feelings and gentle sadness that they were no longer in my life.

_**They have gone… but there is always a chance they would come back into your life. **_

Come Back? Why?

_**You have realized it child. The one you loved left to protect you, taking his family with him. Their love for you was not false, nor did it end. The threads of destiny and fate are many, the paths and choices endless. But the truth remains… if you had not fought to bring yourself from sadness, had your powers would not have started to grow from your anger and misery, and had you not began to truly see and think you could have allowed your Protector and you to have been separated. Loss of the truth of your destined love and life… fate would have eased the pain… a replacement and a gift… but it would have been a harsh future. Battles, broken truces, fighting for happiness… **_

Yes… I could see that. If I had kept allowing myself to just exist… to not try to pick myself up… I would have clung to the hope that Edward would come back, would love me. Doing so… I would have continued to push Charlie away… ignored any feelings Jacob may have stirred. And if he had returned… without thought or care about the others in my life I would have chosen him over all. 

_**But all has been changed… you have chosen your path daughter. You will walk through the ages with your Protector. **_

Yes. I had chosen. And the choice was Jacob. Our bond. Our future.

_**Like you little one, your Protector will carry a burden of heritage and follow destines hand. Your Jacob… Seventh Son of the Wolf Men… True Alpha by blood and right… together will you be able to correct the pain that has been afflicted to his people.**_

Pain?

_**Protectors. The folly of one evil man spurned the change for generations of the tribe sons. Without choice they have changed and fought. Unable to control their fate. It was not supposed to be this way. The sons were meant to have the ability, but able to choose their path, like all have free will to chose their fate. **_

_**Through your bond and gifts you will right the balance. The sons will have free will again. To change when enemies are present if they wish, or to abstain and continue their lives as they wish. **_

But what about Jacob… he had no choice. He may not want this… any of this!

_**Peace little one. It is true that he too has been changed without choice, but it was always going to be. Now… together you can spare others… and destiny has rewarded both him and you… his destiny if great as is yours. Once you are bound… together you both shall lead and protect for the ages. **_

Wait. What? What do you mean for the ages?

_**Your Protector will understand, it is his heritage little one. We are limited in some knowledge. But now daughter of my line, daughter of my heart… we must go. Our knowledge is now yours… and life is yours to live as you wish. **_

I… thank you. I couldn't stop the tears from forming and rolling down my cheeks. These women… I could feel the love they had for each other and for me. All of them… they had made sacrifices and choices that were difficult… but they had done so for love. A love that was directed at me, and a love that was gifted to me. A strong pure feeling swelled in my chest.

Through my gifts, I will honor you.

Through my memories, I will remember you.

Through my life, I will appreciate you.

Through my love, I will love you.

_**Farewell, little one. A life of love, happiness, and blessings upon you.**_

Soft as a spring breeze I could feel their presence leave me. A moment of desolation and loss crept up my spine. I wanted to call them back, to keep them close to me as long as I could. My crying was getting harder. Sobs racked my frame, jolting pain from my ribs only adding to my misery. A soothing warmth gently pulled the sadness from the front of my mind, while hot arms cradled my body.

Blinking through the tears my eyes rested on Jacob's face. His eyes burned with both concern and untamed love… for me.

"Oh Jacob!" Throwing myself further into his warm embrace without regard to my aches, I allowed him to sooth my anguish. The unbelievable events of the last few days, the realization that my entire life was now going to be completely changed, the loss of the unknowing love and protection my ancestors had given me my entire life… all the changes and emotions.. I poured onto Jacob's chest, as he rocked me.

"Oh, hun. It's ok… everything will be ok. Just let it out." Soft quiet words rolled from his lips as his hand caressed my hair. The gentle rocking never stopped. "I have you. For always… I have you."

A tender kiss was place against my temple, as he adjusted our position on the bed. Content to hold and comfort me. For what felt like hours we laid on my small bed wrapped in each others arms, drawing security from the other.

**Chapter Twelve End**

An: Another chapter completed. I have finals all next week, with my biggest test on Friday. I might end up posting earlier if I have time between testing ans studying, but if not I promise the chapter will be up before midnight on Sunday.


	13. Chapter 13

Note - I humbly apologize to all. Life moved on and changed. Today I was clearing out my favorites bar when I found my saved link to my account. It has been years, and I think my finished story is on a usb packed up among all my school things. I have no plans to dig it out and post the rest, I truly do not have the time or desire. So I am listing the story as complete, because from me it is. However, I am willing to see others create their own endings and play with the little area I carved out. I ask for respect of my work and to be informed. I think it would be wonderful to receive a link to a completed idea for the story and see what my initial idea could lead to. I have felt the true disappointment of a story you become invested in simply stopping and the justified anger, so I am sorry. However, I have read some amazing fics that were adopted and know that if nothing else there are numerous amazing and completed stories on this site.


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